Blog From The Bench

Michael Bay's name seems to be attached to all these '70s remakes, and I wonder if he's planning some sort of nefarious world domination through nostalgia plot. His latest? Producing a remake of The Amityville Horror. I went and saw it Saturday night with a packed theatre including many parents with their small children (of course). Nevermind that R-rating, my real problem with taking kids to see it? It's one of those sadistic horror movies that butchers kids and dogs with little hesitation and lots of glee(which always ups the ick factor for me). I could have done without any of that. The movie is a workhorse of the "boo" moment, and is actually scarier than the quaint original (as in JUMP scary, but the first is still creepier in my book)... and what is with this hoopla about "Based on a TRUE STORY!"? Oh please! They changed so much of the "real" story it was almost unrecognizable other than that iconic house with the "eye" windows. I saw no elements from the original story OR the book. What I did see was a lot of images stolen from The Ring and The Grudge. I almost expected Kathy Lutz to produce a Beta tape and give it to the priest in order to stop the curse on the family. "Here Father, watch this!" Lots of jump scares and little else. I think the title should have been The Amityville Grudge Ring. And what up with that ending? They mixed two legends of the house together, and then made some really implausible stalker/killer climax that made NO sense. Jeesh! It's a good date movie thanks to the jump scares, but other than that it has no staying power. The world's most famous ghost story just got a little more hoarier. Surprise? Nah.