Blog From The Bench

#09: Thunder Force III (Genesis)

Why it Made the Cut: I have a soft spot for shooters. Of all the video game genres, this one is probably the most mindless. Usually, you're a little ship running around, tasked with unleashing huge weapons to defeat increasingly bizarre enemies. Of all the shooters, this old Genesis title is my favorite. The weapons were ridiculous, the on-screen mayhem was eye-trauma-undicing, and the music was kickin'. Yes it's dated, but blwoing $%&# up never goes out of style.

Props: The Hunter weapon with two little revolving bots rendered you nigh-invincible. Sweet.

Poops: That damned ice level!

#10:Halo (Xbox)

Why it Made the Cut: Yeah, I know PC fanboys love to berate this game, but in the world of console shooters, nothing comes close to Bungie's masterpiece. Halo was the reason to take a chance on Microsoft's big-ass game system, and that risk paid off. For me, a lifetime console gamer, the game was a totally new experience and it blew my mind: an enveloping storyline, an awesome protagonist, and the opportunity to run over small, mentally challenged aliens with a tank are all reasons why this game rocks.

Props: The co-op mode was fantastic. My best friend and I played this sucker for 13 straight hours. That's ridiculous, even by nerd-standards.

Poops: Yes the levels were too repetitive and yes the story was derivative of Aliens blah blah blah blah.

#11:Tekken 3 (Playstation)

Why it Made the Cut: This game alone prompted more than one of my friends to rush out and buy a Playstation. My romantic entanglement with Namco's flagship brawler was birthed at summer camp, when pretty much the entire boys staff would neglect their duties to circle around the TV and beat the snot out of each other. "Yeah, yeah Billy, I get it...large snake bit your face, give me one second, I'm about to piledrive Gun Jack!"

Props: Few games have made feel like a stud as much as this one, particularly when I'd get some hapless foe into a killer five-hold seqeunce with King.

Poops: The button configuration annoyed me to no end. I'd have to bend my wrists in ways they weren't mean to bend to pull off even rudimentary moves. Still, the price of glory I suppose...

#12: Herzog Zwei (Genesis)

Why it Made the Cut: A little-known title from the early 16-bit days, this proto-RTS was simple, yet addictive. You controlled a giant robot that could transform into a jet, your goal being to annihilate your opponent. You had tanks, motorcycles, soldiers, SAMs, and even boats at your disposal, all of which could be combined to unleash fiery death on that bastard blue robot at the other end of the map. Antiquated, sure, but still fun today.

Props: Much sinister glee was derived from encircling my enemy's base with SAMs, which would instantly blow him up every time he'd respawn. Some times I'd just let the game run and step out for an hour or two. And yes, I did in fact want and desire a life at that age.

Poops: This being old-school Sega Genesis action the slowdown was horrendous. Whatever happened to blast processing?!

#13: King's Quest (Computer at my school)

Why it Made the Cut: This is really a nostalgic pick. King'sQuest was a pretty simple adventurer, but it was my first introduction to video games. Honestly I can't remember a whole lot about it, but I knew I played it whenever I could and was wowed at the feeling of freedom and exploration it offered at the time. Then again, at that age I was eqaully wowed at the things I could pull from my nose.

Props: Uhh...

Poops: Hmmm....

#14: NBA Jam (Genesis)

Why it Made the Cut: Sure it does'nt hold up real well these days, but Midway's arcade b-ball adventure paved the way for ganes like NBA Street. This was a major source of trash talk between me and my friend and its popularity even propelled me to shell out $60 for it brand new. Yikes!

Props: That cheap goaltending trick from the home console port pissed off a lot of friends.

Poops: That cheap goaltending trick from the home console port pissed me off a lot .

#15: Super Dodge Ball (NES)

Why it Made the Cut: What a great, great, great game. This NES sports-action hybrid allowed you to pelt the Candy Corn out of an impressive variety of international stereotypes, using an array of gravity-defying dodgeball throws: the slow-motion megabomb, the topsy-turvy wacky-throw, and the ever-popular tri-splitter. Transmit your frustration from real Dodgeball games in elementary school to this holiest of NES relics!

Props: Is there a more satisfying feeling in the history of gaming than sending Knut from the Iceland team into the next zip code with a well-placed turbo throw?!

Poops: Those backgrounds burned my corneas.

#16: Soul Calibur (Dreamcast)

Why it Made the Cut: An amazing fighter that still holds its own today. Everything about Soul Calibur was top-shelf: amazing graphics, intense gameplay, and a deep fighting engine. It provided an early boon to the Dreamcast and was so revolutionary, even its sequels, though regarded as strong entries into the series, never quite matched up to the greatness of the original.

Props: A bonus was the huge mission mode, which piled on hours and hours of entertaining--and at times frustrating--gameplay. It wasn't the game's fault though; I just sucked.

Poops: The game endings for the campaign mode were pretty lame. Just some incoherent text on top of static illustrations.

#17: Killer Instinct Gold (N64)

Why it Made the Cut: Many fighting game fans found this title's over-reliance on combo memorization tedious and boring, but not me. Few gaming experiences were more cathartic than unleashing thirty-hit strings with T.J. Combo on Jago's punk-ass.

Props: Huge combos were the focus, but the finishers were pretty fun, too. Toward the end of the game, as your opponent's life dwindled, you had the ability to put him out of his misery. One girl dropped an elephant on the hapless enemy, another summoned an asteroid to crush his foe, but my favorite was T.J.'s: after pummeling some schmuck enough he would whip out an automatic rifle and gun him down. Sure it didn't do too much to combat stereotypes, but there was a lot of blood!

Poops: Is there a stupider name for a character than T.J. Combo?

#18: Armed and Dangerous (XBOX)

Why it Made the Cut: This under-the-radar title may not be super popular, but I love it. A mix of fun, frantic gameplay and laugh-out-loud writing makes for brain-on-hold good times. Yes, it's a fairly straightforward third-person shooter, but memorable characters and insane weapons (the Land Shark Gun being my favorite) frequently propel it into my XBOX--even after I've beaten it on every level. It's also the funniest game I've ever played. Easily.

Props: It's all about the cut-scenes with this game. Because they're so funny I never skip them, even after having seen them all over and over. Exploding lambs, idiot peasants, basket-weaving monks? Classic!

Poops: Too bad the graphics are fairly disappointing. And about the aforementioned cut-scenes: compression = bad.