Blog From The Bench

#19: Kung Fu (NES)

Why it Made the Cut: I've got a special place in my heart for this most simplistic of beat 'em ups. The ancestor of the modern brawler, Kung Fu pitted you against an assortment of baddies, culminating in the vicious Mr. X. The thugs you had to fight on each level weren't exactly shining examples of enemy AI--their main attack: running into you and humping your leg--but it sure was fun kicking them to their death.

Props: The bosses all required a modicum of strategy, which added a little zest to the otherwise mindless punch, punch, punch, kick proceedings. I think this game was the first time I annoyingly petitioned school friends for tactics and tips about a video game. "So how do you beat Mr. X again? Hey, where are you going?! You didn't finish your turkey on a stick!"

Poops: A super-short game, I can't imagine it being worth the big bucks it certainly retailed for back in the day.

Hey kids. Okay, I've fully reverted to junior high mode. The XBOX 360 launches on November 22, and I've got mine reserved. It's a long, torturous wait, so to satiate the anxious nerd within that is yearning to break free, I present Dave's All-Time Favorite Top 20 Video Games. I'll update one a day as I count down to the release date to Mr. Gates's latest endeavor to emaciate my bank account. Keep in mind, this list represents my personal favorites only. Got it? So don't piss and moan if I left out pivotal titles like Zork or Pong.

#20: God of War (PS2)

Why it Made the Cut: I'm a huge fan of the action game (as you'll see with the forthcoming entries), and God of War is one of the finest titles in the genre I've played. I tend not to have much use for the Playstation 2, but I can not deny the brilliance and fun of Kratos's adventure. Bloody, brutal, and insanely addicitve, I went on a GoW bender for a few weeks after I first picked it up.

Props: This game just might have some of the most intense music in anything I've ever played. Throw in the disc and jack up the juice on your amp and prepare for eardrum-rupturing happiness.

Poops: Amidst all the coolness in this game, the main villain, Ares, sticks out like a sore Achilles heel. A dopey-looking middle-aged Viking wannabe is the be-all and end-all of evil? No thanks.

From a reader:

"they're on the 3rd disc...you've got to go to 'episode selections',
highlight 'the immaculate election' and press left on your controller...a
menu will come up with all 3 election videos."

After nearly 18 months, I finally started playing full-court pickup basketball again. Wow was it brutal. A few plays in, I recieved a wicked charley horse, rendering my right leg numb. Then my fingernail was gouged and bent back. Finally, blisters on my pinkie toes erupted, reddening my socks. Gross, huh? Today, I find myself walking around like a hobbled old man, my quads on fire.

How does this have anything to do with DVDs? Not much. Though, the experience wasn't nearly as painful as this or this or this.

Here's an interesting interview with the writer/director of the film The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Scott Derrickson, who is also an Evangelical.

Some salient ideas here, which I agree with. I have to admit, somewhat sheepishly, as a believer myself, my attraction to the horror genre is the gory exploitation. But I dig the good vs. evil stuff too! Unless it's the Chupacabra Terror, which is, of course, all evil.

So it's really going to happen. This will be a tough flick to make, if you ask me. Hey, I love the game and all, but there's a chance this could be a marathon of crappy CGI and plastic looking Spartan armor.

Still, who am I kidding...I'll be there within a few days of opening night.

Well, I finally relented and watched Moulin Rouge, one of my wife's favorite movies, yesterday. While I thought it entertaining and was amazed by Ewan Macgregor's pipes, I found the flick profoundly dizzying. Especially that whole opening sequence. It was like watching a musical version of Batman and Robin while sucking on Peeps drenched in Dr. Pepper and mainlining Pixie Stix.

Body: The Dark Side of Desire is a sensual noir film from the hills of Bollywood. Also known as Jism, the film is derivative of Western genre films like Body Heat.

The plot follows the hard-luck Kabir (John Abraham) and his encounter with the bodacious Sonia (Bipasha Basu), the unhappy wife of a rich slimeball. Because we're dealing with two gorgeous people, they are immediately drawn to each other and embark on a sordid affair.

As Kabir falls deeper and deeper in love with Sonia, he grows to resent her husband more and more. Ultimately, he conspires to off the jerk, but may find there's more than meets the eye in the crazy relationship he's inserted himself into.

Image's retitling of this film would lead someone to beleive this is a skin flick first and foremost. Not true. Body--Dark Side of Desire, while fairly edgy for mainstream Bollywood, is very, very tame by Western standards.

The focus of the romance is on the sensual. When Kabir and Sonia get together, the music swells, the atmosphere turns foggy, and the clothes stay on. Basically, if you're checking this out for a gander at the beauty of Bipasha Basu (and she is stunning), you'll go away hot and bothered.

But for those interested in a well-made take on the seduction/betrayal genre, this film isn't bad. It tends to meander a bit (clocking in at over 130 minutes), but the plot is strong and the imagery is rich.

For Bollywood fans or folks looking for an international dose of noir this is worth your time. But Cinemax-philes will want to look elsewhere for titillation.

"Frankly, the faster the two kids of Bruce Jenner end up dead in an alley with a needle of bad junk in their arms the better."

Yikes!

Okay, this game has been out for some time now, but I recently picked it up used at a local games store and have played through it three times in a row already. Holy Cow is this game terrific. Look, if you own a Gamecube--which you should--you need to track down this masterpiece and play the crap out of it.

Capcom has reinvented its apporach to survival horror and placed the emphasis on the action. You're just going to have to fight for your life, and as each awesome chapter unwinds, the enemies are even deadlier.

The graphics are some of the best I've ver seen on any system, the gameplay is thoroughly engaging (though dual analog control would have been welcome), the RPG elements are greeat, the story is huge (20 hours), and the boss battles are some of the best ever.

This may be old news to some, but if you haven't tried out this game yet make it a priority. Plus it's coming to PS2, so Sony fanboys will have no excuse. I can't wait to see what Capcom does with Resident Evil 5, announced recently for XBOX 360.

Can I hear an "amen"?