Judge P seems to want to compare the lowest common denominator of canines to the kitty ideal. Hardly fair. The question is, is it even possible for a trained cat to, say, fetch the phone for his paraplegic owner in need of an ambulance? Or sniff out a buried landmine so some poor sap doesn't find it the hard way? Or enable a woman to jog at night without fear of being attacked by some pervert? I submit the answer is no. I further submit that, even if the answer were yes, the cat in question would choose not to do any of that stuff. Just to be a jerk. Then he'd demand tuna as a reward for not doing what he was trained to do.

Judge P's right about the smell of wet dog, though. A doused pooch is about the worst smelling thing in the world...except for cat piss.

And, for the record, dogs don't have the market cornered on spreading joy to children. There's ice cream, too. And sunshine. And trees. And boogers and farts (boys only).

Oh, I almost forgot: cats kill babies.