WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

[tucco]

What is your least favorite, crappy remake of a movie?

I am a huge BLACK CHRISTMAS (74) fan, yet didn't get around to seeing the remake until yesterday.
I have seen snippets on youtube and knew it wasn't worth watching....it's not like the HALLOWEEN franchise where you know the sequels half suck, but you get your "HALLOWEEN/Michael Myers fix" anyway. It is a stand alone so I wasn't compelled to watch it.

I saw it used for $2.99 at Newbury and though "hell, I'll give it a whirl just to see what they kept from the original"

Words couldn't describe how awful this was as both a remake and as a film in general. I am utterly shocked that this made it into theaters...and since I'm at a loss for words about how bad it was, I'll just say that it is my pick as worst remake ever of a film that was any good.
To say it was half-hearted is to pay it too much credit.I honestly can't think of a remake that comes close to being this shockingly bad.

So, what is your pick for worst remake ever?

[Jim_Thomas]

The Truth About Charlie made me want to drown Jonathan Demme in someone else's vomit.

[Mach6]

Rollerball (2002): I’m a big fan of the original starring James Caan. It had some slow & awkward parts (the talk with the A.I.), but it did a good job of creating a futuristic corporate-controlled, soulless world. Caan was perfectly cast & the Rollerball game sequences were well directed & executed. It still has one of my favorite endings in a “sports” movie. Those last five minutes still give me chills.

I wonder how the hell John McTiernan screwed up the 2002 remake so god awfully. Who decided to cast Chris Freakin Klein as the lead? Klein is lifeless & not for one second did I buy him as an elite player in an ultra-violent sports league. The horrible & poorly directed action sequences on that figure eight track where I couldn’t tell what the hell was happening. The night vision scene? Rebecca Romijn-Stamos’ lousy Russian accent? I really couldn’t believe that the same director who gave us Die Hard & Predator could give us this abortion of a movie.

[Gabriel Girard]

The Haunting (1999) - The less said about it the better.

[Bryan Byun]

How about some hate for City of Angels? It's like if someone took Taxi Driver and remade it as a romantic comedy!

[Paul Kile]

The 2004 Flight of the Phoenix still makes me want to heave whenever I think of it. They took one of the all-time best character-driven films and turned it into a hollow action flick. A pox on Dennis Quaid for associating with this turkey.

[Dave Johnson]

The Manchurian Candidate. The Old White Man Cabal is not pleased.

[Gabriel Girard]

The Manchurian Candidate. The Old White Man Cabal is not pleased.

I really enjoyed this one. Maybe I'm insane...

[Dan Mancini]

The Manchurian Candidate. The Old White Man Cabal is not pleased.

I really enjoyed this one. Maybe I'm insane...

Maybe?

[tucco]

This may be premature but I think The Mechanic remake will have none of the vibe of the original and will either be great or suck completely.....no in-between.

I do wish they went through with The Swimmer remake, as much as I love the original.

[Polynikes]

Prompted by a post in another thread, I am resurrecting this thread with the proposal of the Nicolas Cage 2006 version of the original 1973 classic The Wicker Man.

With so many duff remakes around, I think I shall set another thread running - "Any good remakes?"

[Dan Mancini]

Mr. Deeds. I just . . . I can't . . .

[Polynikes]

Mr. Deeds. I just . . . I can't . . .

I had never heard of this until now. However, I just Googled it and saw that Adam Sandler takes the lead, which is enough in itself to ensure that I shall never watch it.

[stypee]

Hands down

Halloween

I remember walking out of the theatre angry. I don't remember ever leaving a movie pissed off unless it was some idiot in the audience.

[J.M. Vargas]

Yay, stype and Mancini are back. The old gang is coming back together... slowly and piecemeal, but.

[Kenneth Morgan]

This may be stretching it, but I'd say a good candidate is the Jim Carrey version of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". It's not just bad compared to the book or the Chuck Jones/Boris Karloff animated version, it's just plain BAD. I had to review it a while back and rented a copy. After watching it, I didn't want to return it; I wanted to toss it into New Market Pond.

And I agree about "Rollerball". Twice the violence, less than half the intelligence. But, then, I knew it'd be bad when I heard they weren't using Bach's "Tocotta in D Minor".

[Superfly]

You think the Black Christmas remake is bad...you should see the Silent Night Deadly Night remake (Silent Night)...wow! Even Donal Logue and Malcolm Mcdowell couldn't save this epic turd.

[jcankerhuxley]

Here are a few. Please note that I do not include the unintentionally funny remakes (Wicker Man, Swept Away of Planet of the Apes) in this group. Also note that the abbreviateion RRMCM refers to "Remake Ruined My Childhood Memories":

Gone in 60 seconds (2000) - RRMCM. Nick-ol-ass Cage Coppola ruins one of my favorite action films from childhood (part 1). Throwing money and bad actors at a low budget classic will not improve it.

The Italian Job (2003) - Marky Mark, you are no Michael Caine (but Seth Green could be Benny Hill) RRMCM.

Around the World in 80 Days (2004) - The original wasn't that great, but it looks like freakin' Citizen Kane next to this film. Jackie Chan? Why oh why did you do this film and drag Karen Mok into the mess?

Get Carter (2000) - Sly Stalone, you are no Michael Caine. Hell, in this film you aren't even Marky Mark.

Alfie (2004) - Although Jude Law is better at being Michael Caine than Sly and Marky M., he still could not overcome this poor written and directed remake.

Arthur (2011) - A movie about Michael, Jude, Sly and Marky Mark getting genital cysts removed would be more interesting that this. RRMCM. Just who in this world thought that Russell Brandt could carry off such a charming role as Dudley Moore did?

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) - The "eco" sci fi thriller that has none of the charm or foreboding as the original. Mostly, it doesn't have Francis Bavier as a red baiting know it all. RRMCM

But the one that is the all-time worst is

MY SASSY GIRL (2008) - Not only was remake a horrid and shallow re-imaging of an great movie but it also marked the year (2001) Korea took over as the top romantic comedy leader. This also showed that by 2008, Hollywood could not properly remake a film or create a decent romantic comedy to save its life.

[tucco]

You think the Black Christmas remake is bad...you should see the Silent Night Deadly Night remake (Silent Night)...wow! Even Donal Logue and Malcolm Mcdowell couldn't save this epic turd.

Never saw it but will give it a shot...Morbid curiosity to see a train wreck.
As for BLACK CHRISTMAS 2006, I couldn't help think of how the original had atmosphere and vibe enough for three films but they did not try to play homage to that stylish creep factor at all.

[Ash22]

This may be stretching it, but I'd say a good candidate is the Jim Carrey version of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". It's not just bad compared to the book or the Chuck Jones/Boris Karloff animated version, it's just plain BAD. I had to review it a while back and rented a copy. After watching it, I didn't want to return it; I wanted to toss it into New Market Pond.

Even the makeup was revolting.