WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

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WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby tucco » Thu Oct 21, 2010 3:12 pm

What is your least favorite, crappy remake of a movie?

I am a huge BLACK CHRISTMAS (74) fan, yet didn't get around to seeing the remake until yesterday.
I have seen snippets on youtube and knew it wasn't worth watching....it's not like the HALLOWEEN franchise where you know the sequels half suck, but you get your "HALLOWEEN/Michael Myers fix" anyway. It is a stand alone so I wasn't compelled to watch it.

I saw it used for $2.99 at Newbury and though "hell, I'll give it a whirl just to see what they kept from the original"

Words couldn't describe how awful this was as both a remake and as a film in general. I am utterly shocked that this made it into theaters...and since I'm at a loss for words about how bad it was, I'll just say that it is my pick as worst remake ever of a film that was any good.
To say it was half-hearted is to pay it too much credit.I honestly can't think of a remake that comes close to being this shockingly bad.

So, what is your pick for worst remake ever?
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Jim_Thomas » Thu Oct 21, 2010 5:07 pm

The Truth About Charlie made me want to drown Jonathan Demme in someone else's vomit.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Mach6 » Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:20 pm

Rollerball (2002): I’m a big fan of the original starring James Caan. It had some slow & awkward parts (the talk with the A.I.), but it did a good job of creating a futuristic corporate-controlled, soulless world. Caan was perfectly cast & the Rollerball game sequences were well directed & executed. It still has one of my favorite endings in a “sports” movie. Those last five minutes still give me chills.

I wonder how the hell John McTiernan screwed up the 2002 remake so god awfully. Who decided to cast Chris Freakin Klein as the lead? Klein is lifeless & not for one second did I buy him as an elite player in an ultra-violent sports league. The horrible & poorly directed action sequences on that figure eight track where I couldn’t tell what the hell was happening. The night vision scene? Rebecca Romijn-Stamos’ lousy Russian accent? I really couldn’t believe that the same director who gave us Die Hard & Predator could give us this abortion of a movie.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Gabriel Girard » Fri Oct 22, 2010 6:38 pm

The Haunting (1999) - The less said about it the better.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Bryan Byun » Mon Nov 01, 2010 2:20 pm

How about some hate for City of Angels? It's like if someone took Taxi Driver and remade it as a romantic comedy!
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Paul Kile » Tue Nov 02, 2010 5:57 am

The 2004 Flight of the Phoenix still makes me want to heave whenever I think of it. They took one of the all-time best character-driven films and turned it into a hollow action flick. A pox on Dennis Quaid for associating with this turkey.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Dave Johnson » Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:17 am

The Manchurian Candidate. The Old White Man Cabal is not pleased.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Gabriel Girard » Wed Nov 03, 2010 10:20 am

Dave Johnson wrote:The Manchurian Candidate. The Old White Man Cabal is not pleased.


I really enjoyed this one. Maybe I'm insane...
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Dan Mancini » Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:29 pm

Gabriel Girard wrote:
Dave Johnson wrote:The Manchurian Candidate. The Old White Man Cabal is not pleased.


I really enjoyed this one. Maybe I'm insane...

Maybe?
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby tucco » Mon Nov 22, 2010 10:14 pm

This may be premature but I think The Mechanic remake will have none of the vibe of the original and will either be great or suck completely.....no in-between.

I do wish they went through with The Swimmer remake, as much as I love the original.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Polynikes » Tue Jan 22, 2013 3:36 pm

Prompted by a post in another thread, I am resurrecting this thread with the proposal of the Nicolas Cage 2006 version of the original 1973 classic The Wicker Man.

With so many duff remakes around, I think I shall set another thread running - "Any good remakes?"
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Dan Mancini » Wed Jan 23, 2013 9:27 am

Mr. Deeds. I just . . . I can't . . .
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Polynikes » Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:40 pm

Dan Mancini wrote:Mr. Deeds. I just . . . I can't . . .


I had never heard of this until now. However, I just Googled it and saw that Adam Sandler takes the lead, which is enough in itself to ensure that I shall never watch it.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby stypee » Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:08 am

Hands down

Halloween

I remember walking out of the theatre angry. I don't remember ever leaving a movie pissed off unless it was some idiot in the audience.
It's not as though I really need you, if you were here I'd only bleed you..
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby J.M. Vargas » Sat Jan 26, 2013 10:05 pm

Yay, stype and Mancini are back. The old gang is coming back together... slowly and piecemeal, but. :)
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Kenneth Morgan » Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:30 am

This may be stretching it, but I'd say a good candidate is the Jim Carrey version of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". It's not just bad compared to the book or the Chuck Jones/Boris Karloff animated version, it's just plain BAD. I had to review it a while back and rented a copy. After watching it, I didn't want to return it; I wanted to toss it into New Market Pond.

And I agree about "Rollerball". Twice the violence, less than half the intelligence. But, then, I knew it'd be bad when I heard they weren't using Bach's "Tocotta in D Minor".
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Superfly » Tue Feb 05, 2013 2:32 pm

You think the Black Christmas remake is bad...you should see the Silent Night Deadly Night remake (Silent Night)...wow! Even Donal Logue and Malcolm Mcdowell couldn't save this epic turd.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby jcankerhuxley » Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:23 pm

Here are a few. Please note that I do not include the unintentionally funny remakes (Wicker Man, Swept Away of Planet of the Apes) in this group. Also note that the abbreviateion RRMCM refers to "Remake Ruined My Childhood Memories":

Gone in 60 seconds (2000) - RRMCM. Nick-ol-ass Cage Coppola ruins one of my favorite action films from childhood (part 1). Throwing money and bad actors at a low budget classic will not improve it.

The Italian Job (2003) - Marky Mark, you are no Michael Caine (but Seth Green could be Benny Hill) RRMCM.

Around the World in 80 Days (2004) - The original wasn't that great, but it looks like freakin' Citizen Kane next to this film. Jackie Chan? Why oh why did you do this film and drag Karen Mok into the mess?

Get Carter (2000) - Sly Stalone, you are no Michael Caine. Hell, in this film you aren't even Marky Mark.

Alfie (2004) - Although Jude Law is better at being Michael Caine than Sly and Marky M., he still could not overcome this poor written and directed remake.

Arthur (2011) - A movie about Michael, Jude, Sly and Marky Mark getting genital cysts removed would be more interesting that this. RRMCM. Just who in this world thought that Russell Brandt could carry off such a charming role as Dudley Moore did?

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) - The "eco" sci fi thriller that has none of the charm or foreboding as the original. Mostly, it doesn't have Francis Bavier as a red baiting know it all. RRMCM

But the one that is the all-time worst is

MY SASSY GIRL (2008) - Not only was remake a horrid and shallow re-imaging of an great movie but it also marked the year (2001) Korea took over as the top romantic comedy leader. This also showed that by 2008, Hollywood could not properly remake a film or create a decent romantic comedy to save its life.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby tucco » Mon Feb 18, 2013 3:54 am

Superfly wrote:You think the Black Christmas remake is bad...you should see the Silent Night Deadly Night remake (Silent Night)...wow! Even Donal Logue and Malcolm Mcdowell couldn't save this epic turd.


Never saw it but will give it a shot...Morbid curiosity to see a train wreck.
As for BLACK CHRISTMAS 2006, I couldn't help think of how the original had atmosphere and vibe enough for three films but they did not try to play homage to that stylish creep factor at all.
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Re: WORST remakes ever!!!!!!!!!???????

Postby Ash22 » Wed Feb 20, 2013 4:21 pm

Kenneth Morgan wrote:This may be stretching it, but I'd say a good candidate is the Jim Carrey version of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". It's not just bad compared to the book or the Chuck Jones/Boris Karloff animated version, it's just plain BAD. I had to review it a while back and rented a copy. After watching it, I didn't want to return it; I wanted to toss it into New Market Pond.


Even the makeup was revolting.
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