Tough guys who are really wusses: Cobra Commander from the 80's GI JOE cartoon. (Not the movie version, which Judge Rubino gave a, uh, "glowing" review of.) CC looked tough threatening the world with his ultimatiums but he always wussed out during the battle scenes or yelled "COBRA! RETREAT!" the 1st chance he got.
Awesome Footwear: I have to mention another 80's cartoon & go with Inspector Gadget with his Go Go Gadget Boots/Shoes that had rollerskates & rockets in them.
Magiceye.com: After Dave's attempt, there is no way I'm trying this one.