Been taking some time off...

[Stubblecat]

Hello, fellow Jury Members...

I'm so glad to see that the board has expanded a little and the traffic has picked up. As well, it's great to see that some of you have jumped right on the games threads and started some new ones.

I've been away for a bit dealing with the real world, and I'll be away a wee bit longer.

Since I joined up here, I've discovered that my wife has been having an affair with a much older man, and it's been going on since before Christmas.

We have kids so it's been a messy separation, thanks in no small part on her decision to not only continue her relationship with this guy, but to also try to integrate him into her family's lives and the lives of my children while I've still been living in the house.

I'm in the process of moving out this week (long story, but although I could have gone for full custody, it would have lead to dragging my kids through the court system and I won't do that).

So after Monday, I'll probably be away from here for another 2 weeks or so, while I get my new life and my new townhouse set up.


Perhaps instead of your pity, we can make this thread about bad breakups and poisoned relationships we've all experienced.

There's mine (and I've spared you many gory details). Share yours!

[molly1216]

1. man i feel for you.
2. your wife's a bitch.

[mavrach]

Very sorry to hear about that. Ditto what Molly said.

It probably wouldn't make you feel better to say I just got married?

I did have a girl dump me in the middle of a ski vacation one. It actually made me ski better the next day.

[Stubblecat]

Going through all of this had made me realize that Prenuputal Agreements should be manditory for all marriages. When you're a rich man it's only moderately important, but when you're in the middle class it's probably the most important thing you can ever do.

Hell, when you buy a house or a car you have to fill out a ton of paperwork, but getting married is the biggest financial arrangement you'll ever make and all you have to do is sign the register.

And don't get me wrong: I still think marriage is a great thing. You just have to marry the right person.

I married the wrong person. She cashed out $10,000 in assets and spend it all on entertaining herself and her geriatric boyfriend. Now she gets the house, the kids and a thousand dollars a month in Child Support (or as I like to call it: Ex-Wife Lifestyle Support. It does not cost $1000 a month to raise two children).
What do I get? $14,000 of her debt, a rented apartment and the opportunity to pay 75% of whatever special expenses she racks up for my kids.

[Steve T Power]

Every relationship i've been in save for the current (love my wife) and one previous (that i totally poisoned, but in the end everything kind of worked out... sort of) has been a grade "A" clusterpluck.

One example: Meet a girl while on vacation, spend night together. six or eight months later we start talking online, then phone calls, then she decides to move cross the island. I'm in another sticky one and i don't really know where i'm going, but she's the pushy type. Hook up, whirlwind ensues, communication breakdown of about 3 weeks where we don't really see each other, then she's right back again. Suddenly it's the "i'm pregnant" deal. I figure, i guess I'll have to deal with it. Do the honorable thing, i can make this work. Then we find out how far along she is, and lets just say the math doesn't add up.

Steve is NOT a happy camper...

So endeth that chapter.

[Stubblecat]

A friend of mine calls it the 'Three Square Inches Of Power'.

And this is NOT to insult women here. Some women have just realized that they in fact hold all the power all the time, and take advantage of that.

Here's a nice addendum to my story of woe, though: Since all of this started, I have reconnected with a very nice girl from Portugal Cove, Newfoundland (close to you, Steve!) who I have known in a peripheral way since 2001.

She's an airline pilot, and sweet as the day is long. We're totally smitten with each other. She just relocated from Newfoundland to Guelph, Ontario for her job, so we're just 15 minutes apart now.

So sure: I lost everything. And I mean EVERYTHING: My dignity, my home, my children, my confidence, my money, my possessions, my sleep and 15 pounds thus far. But on the bright side, I've learned to scale back the 'stuff' in my life, to enjoy my children that much more, to budget myself for the future and those 15 pounds were the stuff sitting on my gut making me look icky. After hitting the gym (to keep from breaking stuff at home - long story...) I now am in the best shape of my life and in a loving relationship with a wonderful independent woman, all thanks to my wife.

Meanwhile, she is with a guy 13 years older than her who cheated on his girlfriend to be with her. Their entire relationship is based on lies, deceit and betrayal.

AND... The best part... Once I move out, she'll have to rely on him to take out the garbage, mow the lawn, empty the kitty litter, take out the recycling and composting, shovel the driveway, change the furnace filters, etc. etc. etc.

Now I'm just getting smug. Did I mention that she refuses to pay bills and has never bought groceries herself? Good luck with that!

[molly1216]

rubbish. women don't have all the power.

my ex-was a pathological liar. (i should have known...he was a sitting politician and a CFO when i married him) i was looking forward to a nice upper middle class lifestyle. instead within 3 years, he quit his job, wouldn't get another, dragged me into one cockamamie scheme after another, the house and car got repo'd, i ended up in bancruptcy from all the debt in my name. i ended up living out of one room in a friends house, making 5 bucks an hour as a supermarket cashier.

he 'controlled' me by controlling exactly how much truth he shared with me, and i spent many years not knowing what was true and was fiction. and i have been at or below the poverty level ever since he left me high and dry.

i wouldn't mind a man in my life but i sure as hell don't ever want one in the house again. i have left instructions that if i were to remarry, i am to be shot in the head with a large caliber weapon.

[Stubblecat]

i wouldn't mind a man in my life but i sure as hell don't ever want one in the house again. i have left instructions that if i were to remarry, i am to be shot in the head with a large caliber weapon.

I think you could put that into a Cohabitation Agreement...

I didn't mean to imply that women are inherently evil, and it sounds like you definitely got the short end of the stick on that one.

Before I humoured the idea of dating again, a friend of mine told me his guidelines for dating (after going through a string of crazies and bunny-boilers). I call them Toby's 6 Laws:

The potential boyfriend / girlfriend:

1. Must have their own source of income (ie: Have a job or if between jobs, is actively hunting and completely employable).
2. Must be able to pay their own bills and take care of their own lives without someone having to do it for them. At the same time, they must understand where money comes from and how credit cards are not money.
3. Must have their own vehicle, or if not must be independent enough to use public transit regularly. They must not need to be chauffeured everywhere.
4. Must get along with most of their family most of the time.
5. Must have their own place to live, be it rented or owned.
6. Must be able to share very early on in the relationship exactly their expectations and requirements for everything involved in a sexual relationship. If you went to a car dealership and they tried to sell you a car without seatbelts, you'd go to another lot, right? There are certain things you need to know in advance.

[J.M. Vargas]

^^^ I'm five for six in Toby's 6 laws! So how come I have no luck whatsoever dating?

my ex-was a pathological liar. (i should have known...he was a sitting politician and a CFO when i married him) i was looking forward to a nice upper middle class lifestyle. instead within 3 years, he quit his job, wouldn't get another, dragged me into one cockamamie scheme after another, the house and car got repo'd, i ended up in bancruptcy from all the debt in my name. i ended up living out of one room in a friends house, making 5 bucks an hour as a supermarket cashier.

he 'controlled' me by controlling exactly how much truth he shared with me, and i spent many years not knowing what was true and was fiction. and i have been at or below the poverty level ever since he left me high and dry.

That's my sister's story except for the hubby's profession/economic position. They were both working class and when he dumped her after a year of marriage and took off leaving her with the marriage's bankruptcy bills my sis was depressed. At least she was working as a maternity nurse (she still is) so she could fence for herself. Now she's re-married to a guy she met in the hospital (they lived together for five years to make sure) who introduced her to her new passion in life: rescuing and caring abandoned animals (mainly cats with a few dogs) so they're fit for adoption from their local Upstate NY shelter. It took the wreck of a marriage she blindly walked into for my sister to wind up happy and secure with her new hubby and animal rescue passtime.

[Stubblecat]

And... I'm back.

I now live in a modest townhouse complex. Definitely NOT where I thought I'd be in life, but making the best of it.
Money is tight. Blu-ray purchases are a pipe dream now. Gotta pinch pennies, my friends.

[BrettCullum]

Oh, man. Sounds like MAJOR drama. I've been there before! I've had all my stuff out on a sidewalk for no good reason, and had to move instantly. Relationships and marriage can be tricky. It reminds me of that horror movie title "LET THE RIGHT ONE IN". So true, so true!

[Stubblecat]

All of this is clearly the toughest crap I've ever been through in life. And since we have kids together, I still have to deal with the evil ex every couple of days. She makes me physically ill when I have to be around her, so I try to keep the correspondence though e-mail and texting.

[TemporalWisdom]

All of this is clearly the toughest crap I've ever been through in life. And since we have kids together, I still have to deal with the evil ex every couple of days. She makes me physically ill when I have to be around her, so I try to keep the correspondence though e-mail and texting.

My sympathies to you, and most especially to your kids. Coming from a broken home is rough enough; when the parents aren't on friendly terms, it's much worse. Maybe you try to put on a good face in front of them, but most kids can tell regardless. Their best hope is to despise your ex as much as you do. That's unfortunate if they have to live with her some or all of the time, but at least there'd be a clear side for them to take.