The Jury Room

by **Ptolemy** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:25 pm

Dan Mancini will attempt to make lead-jammer in every jam of tomorrow's first ever double-header for the Salt City Derby Girls

www.saltcityderby.com

Come watch Dan as he uses his quick change skills to play for both the Death Dealers AND the Sisters of No Mercy in the first bout and then do it again a half hour later as the Leave it to Cleaver's face off against the Bomber Babes.

by **Ptolemy** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:50 pm

Ptolemy knew all along that the real link was: http://www.saltcityderbygirls.com/

by **chris_mcclinch** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 7:09 am

Ptolemy is actually a sophisticated piece of AI software created by the Mormon church for reasons yet unknown.

by **barnaclelapse** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 9:02 am

Chris didn't finish pre-school until he was forty-two years old.

Today, he secretly owns Microsoft.

by **Future Man** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 10:09 am

Once properly unscrambled, the word jumble "barnaclelapse" reveals the secret ingredient in KFC's original recipe.

by **Andrew Forbes** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 10:27 am

Future Man wrote:Once properly unscrambled, the word jumble "barnaclelapse" reveals the secret ingredient in KFC's original recipe.

Anal Scalp Beer? I'm glad I don't do KFC.

by **Dark Knight** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 12:07 pm

Andrew Forbes wrote:
Future Man wrote:Once properly unscrambled, the word jumble "barnaclelapse" reveals the secret ingredient in KFC's original recipe.

Anal Scalp Beer? I'm glad I don't do KFC.

Once properly unscrambled, the word jumble "Chamucamel" reveals the secret ingredient in KFC's new grilled chicken marinade.

by **barnaclelapse** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 8:07 am

Dark Knight's favorite superhero is The Dove.

by **Gabriel Girard** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 9:50 am

Barnaclelapse is a man of wealth and taste, he's been around for a long, long year, stole many a man's soul and faith. He was 'round when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain, made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed his fate.

by **Andrew Forbes** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 8:30 pm

Gabriel is a jerk.

by **Jon Mercer** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:36 am

Andrew Forbes wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Power did not see it that way... so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life. He can go any way you want it. You can walk out of here or be carried out. But have no illusions. Andrew Forbes is in charge. So, decide now, each of you. And please remember: he has left nothing to chance.

by **Steve T Power** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:37 am

Jon Mercer! Son of a devil worshipper! Your father died a coward, cursing your name and squealling like a stuck pig!

by **barnaclelapse** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 7:50 am

In spite of his last name, there is nothing powerful about Steve beyond his capacity to drink several 7-11 Big Gulps and not have to use the restroom for several days.

by **Andrew Forbes** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:10 am

Barnaclelapse spent the majority of 1997 wandering the American Southwest, barefoot, searching for his father's killer. Instead, he found a reason to live.

by **AddisonDewitt** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 12:43 pm

Andrew Forbes was 100% behind the national sales tax his Uncle Steven wanted to enact as part of his 1996 campaign for U.S. President.

by **Gabriel Girard** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:14 pm

Addison is a deeply undercover straight man sent to expose gays as the menace to society that they are.

by **Future Man** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 5:44 pm

Gabriel is today's Tom Sawyer.

by **Ptolemy** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 6:33 pm

Futureman hates America. And Canada

by **Dan Mancini** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 6:38 pm

Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks? (Ptolemy!) You're damn right.

by **Gabriel Girard** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:35 pm

Future Man wrote:Gabriel is today's Tom Sawyer.

Does that mean I make people whitewash graffiti-stained walls? Graffiti done by yours truly of course!

by **Andrew Forbes** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:34 pm

Dan had me at hello.

by **Steve T Power** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:44 am

Andrew Forbes? Yeah I know Andrew. He's not to be underestimated, you've got to look past the hair and the cute, cuddly thing - it's all a deceptive facade. A few nights ago Andrew's Roger iron's rusted, so he's gone to the local battle-cruiser to catch the end of his footer. Nobody is watching the custard so he turns the channel over. A fat man's north opens and he wanders over and turns the Liza over. 'Now f--- off and watch it somewhere else.' Andrew knows claret is imminent, but he doesn't want to miss the end of the game; so, calm as a coma, he stands and picks up a fire extinguisher and he walks straight past the jam rolls who are ready for action, then he plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle of the most ping pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switches back to his footer. 'That's f***ing it,' says the guy. 'That's f***ing what' says Andrew. Andrew gobs out a mouthful of booze covering fatty; he then flicks a flaming match into his bird's nest and the man's lit up like a leaky gas pipe. Andrew, unfazed, turned back to his game. His team's won too. Four-nil.

by **Jon Mercer** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:16 am

I'm telling you it was his voice I heard, he was calling to me. A young bosun named Steve Power. We served on the Goliath together. When the O2 tanks ruptured, four of us made it to the lifeboat but Power was still on board the Goliath when the fire broke out. Have you ever seen fire in zero gravity? It's beautiful. It's like liquid it... slides all over everything. Comes up in waves. And they just kept hitting him, wave after wave. Steve was screaming for me to save him.

by **Dan Mancini** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:35 am

Jon Mercer made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who Jon Mercer is. And you're nothing. Nice guy? Jon Mercer doesn't give a sh*t. Good father? F**k you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here -- close! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you c*cksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave.

by **Future Man** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:33 am

Dan was country when country wasn't cool.

by **Dark Knight** » Thu Jun 11, 2009 8:06 pm

During a family reunion in the 80's, Future Man was being filmed when he saw a spider. The noise that emitted from his mouth is now known as the famous female wilhelm scream.

My DVDs · by **Parklife** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:04 pm

Dark Night hates french fries on his sandwiches and is a total jagoff. (he also thinks you all know what that means)

by **Dunnyman** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:44 pm

Parklife was once know as The Butcher of El Cerrito, but he's trying to put that behind him these days.

by **Jon Mercer** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:44 am

Dunnyman makes an appearance at 01:37 - 01:42 of Patty Smyth's music video for "The Warrior"

by **Dan Mancini** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:54 am

Jon Mercer wrote:Dunnyman makes an appearance at 01:37 - 01:42 of Patty Smyth's music video for "The Warrior"

Jon Mercer dances just like Courtney Cox in Springsteen's "Dancing in the Dark" video.

Website · by **Bryan Pope** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:02 am

Dan Mancini is Joshua Malina's long-lost twin.

by **Andrew Forbes** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:12 am

Bryan Pope has never even been to the Vatican.

by **Dunnyman** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:45 pm

Andrew Forbes derives his millions from having been the innovator and patent holder on the triangular tortilla chip.

by **Future Man** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:07 pm

Dunny once tried to audition for Hanson.

by **Dan Mancini** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:16 pm

Future is the administrator of a Linda Lavin fansite.

by **Gabriel Girard** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:10 pm

Dan Mancini is a big fan of Wham!

Website · by **Bryan Pope** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 6:59 am

Gabriel Girard looks forward to bringing his one-man production of "Call Me Madam" to the States.

by **BenShultz** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:48 am

That's actually Bryan Pope's eye in his avatar. I saw it last night...<shudder>.

by **Future Man** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:49 am

Ben's all-time favorite sandwich is liverwurst and crunchy peanut butter on toasted rye.

by **Andrew Forbes** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:57 am

Future Man's all-time favorite sandwich is Phyllis Diller, Tim Capello, and himself.

by **BenShultz** » Thu Jun 18, 2009 11:14 am

1294 isn't just Andrew's post count, but also the year he was born. His secret? Ask the wizard.

by **AddisonDewitt** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:53 am

Ben Shultz was the pool boy at the house my snuggle bunny Gabriel and I had in St Tropez.

by **Jon Mercer** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:06 pm

Addison Dewitt secretly broke Wilt Chamberlain's record for nailing down strange wool.

by **Gabriel Girard** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:08 pm

AddisonDewitt wrote:Ben Shultz was the pool boy at the house my snuggle bunny Gabriel and I had in St Tropez.

Snuggle bunny!!??

by **Andrew Forbes** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:19 pm

Jon's got a... GREAT ASS!!! And you've got your head... all the way up it!!

by **BenShultz** » Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:37 pm

Gabriel Girard wrote:
AddisonDewitt wrote:Ben Shultz was the pool boy at the house my snuggle bunny Gabriel and I had in St Tropez.

Snuggle bunny!!??

Don't ask. As their pool boy, I can tell you: It wasn't a pretty sight.

by **Steve T Power** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:17 pm

Andrew Forbes bought into one of those e-mail *ahem* enlargement scams... now his wife says he tastes funny.

by **Future Man** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 2:19 pm

It's too hard to make up a good lie about Steve--every outlandish thing you can think of is true.

Website · by **Bryan Pope** » Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:35 am

Future Man's a little teapot. Short and stout.

by **Dan Mancini** » Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:28 am

Bryan Pope came by his last name through simony.

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