Worst. Title. Ever.

[Attrage]

A few months back I rewatched a film I really like, it’s called What Doesn’t Kill You, with Mark Rufalo and Ethan Hawke. Anyway, while watching some of the special features I noticed that it was originally going to be titled: “Real Men Cry”. Let me say that again. Real Men Cry. Seriously?? Whoever vetoed that title and called it What Doesn’t Kill You deserves a really prolonged pat on the back. Real Men Cry has got to be one of the most ridiculous (and I mean that in the literal sense of that word – worthy of ridicule) titles I have ever heard. That’s the sort of title you’d get beaten up for at school.

So, just for fun, what are some other movie titles that have made you laugh (or cry!?)?

[mavrach]

Sexy Beast - I think this title actually hurt the movie. It's a crime movie about a mob thug threatening a former thief to come back into the business by any means possible. But it sounds like a crappy erotic B-movie with lots of male nudity.

Also it annoys me when it becomes trendy to keep using the same title over & over again, like "Confessions of a ____" or "Diary of a ______."

[J.M. Vargas]

Two off the top of my head:

The Last of the Dogmen (1995): if you actually watch it it's a pretty good flick that has everything (romance, action, drama, great leading man performance by Tom Berenger) but damn if the title isn't the most off-putting sounding name I've ever heard for an otherwise good (though not great) movie.

Shy People (1987): nobody in this clash-of-cultures between city slicker (Jill Clayburgh) and Louisiana matriarch (Barbara Hershey who's also in "Last of the Dogmen") is even remotely shy or introverted. Even if they were shy though, why name a movie after the type of personalities/characters you wouldn't want to spend two hours with (and then turn the tables on the few that do by giving them existential, hard-to-watch cultural drama)? Totally misleading.

[Andrew Forbes]

Any Blanking Blank title, especially if it's a pun. These drive me f***ing nuts, especially since they became a huge trend in the mid-90s to mid-00s as lazy, Oscar bait titles.

Raising Helen
Raising Victor Vargas
Raising Hope
Keeping Mum
Crossing Jordan
Saving Grace
Saving Private Ryan
Saving Silverman
Becoming Jane
Finding Nemo
Finding Forrester
Finding Neverland
Leaving Las Vegas

etc, etc, etc

[mkiker2089]

I think a lot of the James Bond titles are pretty bad. Octopussy in particular. It makes it seem like a horror / porn movie written by a 12 year old boy with ADD. Sometimes I think the Broccoli family put way too much faith in those refrigerator magnets that are supposed to make random poetry.

[Dunnyman]

I think a lot of the James Bond titles are pretty bad. Octopussy in particular. It makes it seem like a horror / porn movie written by a 12 year old boy with ADD. Sometimes I think the Broccoli family put way too much faith in those refrigerator magnets that are supposed to make random poetry.

Blame the majority of the titles on Fleming. They stuck pretty closely to the books.

The titles I hate are the unimaginative ones used when the original had a uniqueness to it, the Nick Cage/Bridget Fonda It Could Happen To You sounded like an el blando rom-com, when the original title was Cop Gives Waitress 2 Million Dollar Tip! which I would have gone to the theater to see. Try to be a bit more imaginative...

[mavrach]

Agreed on unimaginative titles. Some don't even try. I just watched Hostage the other day. It was terrible and had an appropriately terrible title. But they weren't even trying, maybe it would've made more money if it had a more stylish title. I'll take It Could Happen To You a dozen times over something like this. Same goes for just about any one-word title that isn't something unique (like, say Excalibur for example).

[Bryan Pope]

A few months back I rewatched a film I really like, it’s called What Doesn’t Kill You, with Mark Rufalo and Ethan Hawke. Anyway, while watching some of the special features I noticed that it was originally going to be titled: “Real Men Cry”. Let me say that again. Real Men Cry. Seriously?? Whoever vetoed that title and called it What Doesn’t Kill You deserves a really prolonged pat on the back. Real Men Cry has got to be one of the most ridiculous (and I mean that in the literal sense of that word – worthy of ridicule) titles I have ever heard. That’s the sort of title you’d get beaten up for at school.

Never heard of the movie, but I guess I don't get what makes it the Worst. Title. Ever. It's weak, sure, but the worst? Hmm...

My vote would go to something like, say, Tears of the Sun. Hope Floats (yeah, I can think of other things that float, too.). Or Shark Night. Snakes on a Plane would make the list for its blatant willingness to pander to the lowest common denominator if the title weren't 100 times more fun than the movie itself. How about Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever? Or, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer?

[Dan Mancini]

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World deserves a title that reflects its awesomeness. I didn't see it in theaters because I looked at the title and thought, Where there's a colon, there's usually crap.

[Bryan Pope]

Naked Lunch

I don't give a crap that it's Cronenberg and Burroughs.

[J.M. Vargas]

^^^ It's not like they had a choice to name it something else though, the well-known book the film is based on is called "Naked Lunch."

[Bryan Pope]

^^^ It's not like they had a choice to name it something else though, the well-known book the film is based on is called "Naked Lunch."

Sure they did. Tarantino did when he made Rum Punch as Jackie Brown. So it does happen.

But never mind me. I'm in grumpy mode today, so I'm feeling argumentative.

[Andrew Forbes]

^^^ It's not like they had a choice to name it something else though, the well-known book the film is based on is called "Naked Lunch."

Sure they did. Tarantino did when he made Rum Punch as Jackie Brown. So it does happen.

But never mind me. I'm in grumpy mode today, so I'm feeling argumentative.

Not to mention the fact that it's not really an adaptation of the book in the normal sense.

[mavrach]

I'd actually argue that Snakes on a Plane is a very strong title, albeit in a "so good it's bad" way. The title was so ridiculous that it attracted Sam Jackson to the role, and is what drew audiences to the movie. If they'd just titled it something like "Snakes," it would've gone straight to Syfy.

So it ends up being a funny, almost self-aware title like Hobo With a Shotgun.

[Bryan Pope]

I'd actually argue that Snakes on a Plane is a very strong title, albeit in a "so good it's bad" way. The title was so ridiculous that it attracted Sam Jackson to the role, and is what drew audiences to the movie.

Except it didn't apparently. By all accounts, it performed waaaaay beneath expectations built up by all the online hype leading up to its release. And even if it hadn't, that's beside the point.

[Steve T Power]

Anime, pretty much all of it, with a select few exceptions, has terrible naming conventions.

[mkiker2089]

Anime, pretty much all of it, with a select few exceptions, has terrible naming conventions.

I assumed that was translation issues but it may not be. Most of the anime titles make no sense, it's just letters strung together. Highschool of the Dead however pretty much sums up that. What is a Martian Successor however? Mars wasn't even part of the story. Neon Genesis?

[mavrach]

Anime, pretty much all of it, with a select few exceptions, has terrible naming conventions.

I assumed that was translation issues but it may not be. Most of the anime titles make no sense, it's just letters strung together. Highschool of the Dead however pretty much sums up that. What is a Martian Successor however? Mars wasn't even part of the story. Neon Genesis?

I kind of like Read or Die, but yeah.

[Kenneth Morgan]

"To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar" I understand the movie itself isn't too bad, but that is one excessively awkward title.

[Steve T Power]

Anime, pretty much all of it, with a select few exceptions, has terrible naming conventions.

I assumed that was translation issues but it may not be. Most of the anime titles make no sense, it's just letters strung together. Highschool of the Dead however pretty much sums up that. What is a Martian Successor however? Mars wasn't even part of the story. Neon Genesis?

I kind of like Read or Die, but yeah.

Some stuff isn't literal translation however, take Ninja Scroll for example... Pretty bland, boring, hell... shitty title, the Japanese title was Jubei Ninpocho: The Wind Ninja Chronicles, which is more ridiculous, sure, but then you can at least blame translation.

"Jubei: The Ninja Chronicles" or something of that nature would have been a nice happy medium.

[OperaGal]

"To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar" I understand the movie itself isn't too bad, but that is one excessively awkward title.

Ha! I was scrolling ahead thru the channels the other day and came across 'Ticked Off Trannies With Knives' ...
I didn't see any off it, but based on the description - isn't that what a title should be? Tells ya exactly what the movie's about.

[stypee]

I think a lot of the James Bond titles are pretty bad. Octopussy in particular. It makes it seem like a horror / porn movie written by a 12 year old boy with ADD. Sometimes I think the Broccoli family put way too much faith in those refrigerator magnets that are supposed to make random poetry.

I very much agree with you, I've always hated James Bond titles ... Although, I am looking forward to The Man Who Played With Himself - I hear its going to be the best in the franchise!

[jcankerhuxley]

Some of my favorite movies have this problem:

Brain Donors (1992): The cult classic comedy from the Zucker brothers originally titled "Lame Ducks." The title was changed when the Zuckers left the project and it was retitled "Brain Donors." When I ask people if they ever saw this movie, they either have and laugh or give me a sour, disgusted look. "Brain Donors, that sounds gross!" not getting the joke. Brain Donors is great name for a slasher or horror film, but not a comedy.

Get Crazy (1983) - Still not out on DVD, this lost R&R classic IMHO was Allan Arkush's followup to "Rock'n'roll high School." It's not a bad name for a film, and this one lives up to it, but a better name probably would have brought this out from obscurity.


Star Kid (1997) - This is an under-appreciated kids fantasy film (probably because of the dull title) about a bullied kid who finds a exo-suit and becomes a superhero. The original title of this movie was "The Warrior of Waverly Street," which would have helped this film out immensely.

[mavrach]

How about The Thing? Great movie of course, it's totally respected. But has anybody ever questioned that title? Maybe part of the reason it didn't get noticed initially (aside from opening against E.T) was the title. It's a remake of The Thing from Another World, and that full title sounds far too dated, so I can see why they simply shortened it. But if you're unfamiliar with the source material it sounds like they settled on literally the most generic title possible. You might as well title a movie "Stuff."


And Robocop. When you tell somebody you're going to watch this, they give you a look like you're going to watch Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. But I'm thankful for this title because that meant I got to watch it at age 7 and watch a man get melted alive. "Sure Matthew, you can go watch Robocop in your room!"

[Steve T Power]

Pretty much anything churned out of the "action movie name generator"

marked for death
death wish
sudden death
out for blood
wake of death
blood death kill
kill blood
blood by death

[Polynikes]

Straw Dogs

An utterly pretentious reference to a Chinese ceremonial object, the relevance of which to the film escapes me (if I ever bothered to find out the answer in the first place).

My less than worldly wise grandparents fancied the rare treat of a cinema outing one afternoon in 1971 and they picked this film because the title evoked a picture of sheepdogs basking on a languid summer afternoon in idyllic English countryside.....my mother had to bite her tongue to stop herself laughing when my grandmother indignantly described the actual content of the film. You can see why the title is misleading, though.

[mkiker2089]

The problem with the title The Thing is that it's not original even in it's own franchise. It's a prequel to The Thing which in itself is a remake of The Thing (as most people called it.)

[Attrage]

Isnt there a movie called "The The"...? Did I just dream that??

[Andrew Forbes]

Straw Dogs

An utterly pretentious reference to a Chinese ceremonial object, the relevance of which to the film escapes me (if I ever bothered to find out the answer in the first place).

A Straw Dog, like a paper tiger, is something without substance or threat despite a fearsome form. Hoffman's character is a man who doesn't project the qualities of traditional masculinity. He's seen by the men of the village as a dog without teeth. So, I guess it would be pretentious if the movie didn't actually follow through in exploring exactly that, but...

I guess they could have avoided "pretension" and called it Boys Will Be Boys or Lethal Trespass.

[Polynikes]

Straw Dogs

An utterly pretentious reference to a Chinese ceremonial object, the relevance of which to the film escapes me (if I ever bothered to find out the answer in the first place).

A Straw Dog, like a paper tiger, is something without substance or threat despite a fearsome form. Hoffman's character is a man who doesn't project the qualities of traditional masculinity. He's seen by the men of the village as a dog without teeth. So, I guess it would be pretentious if the movie didn't actually follow through in exploring exactly that, but...

I guess they could have avoided "pretension" and called it Boys Will Be Boys or Lethal Trespass.

I agree that is the obvious interpretation, but it does not quite stack up for me. Why Straw Dogs (plural rather than singular)? And Hoffman's character is no lamb in wolf's clothing nor is he a paper tiger - he does not cut the figure of a fearsome form or a dog without teeth. I can't help but feel that Peckinpah chose the title on a sort of "sod the public, I'll choose an obscure title and let them mull over its meaning" whim.

I only saw the film once about 30 years ago, but I don't remember seeing any straw dogs in it, sadly. I think some straw dogs lying around failing to respond to a shepherd's whistling commands would have made it a more interesting film, even if they would not have got far on One Man and His Dog (sadly axed by the BBC some years ago - there was something endearingly British about millions of us taking time on a late Sunday afternoon to watch sheepdogs driving sheep into pens).

I also recall reading that the author of The Siege of Trencher's Farm was less than happy at what Peckinpah did to his novel.

I could open a discussion about remakes, but I must not get drawn in......

[Attrage]

Alien was almost going to be called Star Beast. I remember when I first watched Alien and the title slowly came into view with that creepy score it made my skin crawl. I can't imagine I would have had the same response if the title Star Beast had of appeared.

[Mach6]

G.I. Jane (1997): When I heard that title, it sounds more like the name of a Zucker Brothers' military parody than a serious drama about a woman going through the incredible physical & mental tasks to become an elite Navy Seal. I don't know if it's the main reason (or it could've been Demi Moore's fading star power) it did mediocre box office. Too this day, I still haven't seen it.

[stypee]

G.I. Jane (1997): When I heard that title, it sounds more like the name of a Zucker Brothers' military parody than a serious drama about a woman going through the incredible physical & mental tasks to become an elite Navy Seal. I don't know if it's the main reason (or it could've been Demi Moore's fading star power) it did mediocre box office. Too this day, I still haven't seen it.

Didn't she get paid like 40 billion dollars to do that? I haven't seen it in years. I don't know why I saw it the first time.

btw.. can someone tell me what exactly a "registry file" is on a computer? I don't understand it.

[mkiker2089]

The problem with GI Jane was it was too little and much too late. The fad of women in the military had already passed. Much like Brokeback Mountain was too late and overhyped when Strange Bedfellows and In & Out were the ones that really pushed the envelope.

GI Jane was perhaps used because at the time GI Joe was still somewhat popular as a toy and childrens merchandising line. I haven't seen the movie either as I usually avoid Demi Moore in general and agenda movies as well. this one has both, so I'm out.

[Bryan Pope]

The problem with GI Jane was it was too little and much too late. The fad of women in the military had already passed. Much like Brokeback Mountain was too late and overhyped when Strange Bedfellows and In & Out were the ones that really pushed the envelope.

I think In & Out plays it waaay too safe to qualify as an envelope pusher. Its comedy feels, well, neutered. And while it's not as preachy as Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?, it's still a bit over the top. Brokeback, at least, takes its stories and characters seriously without as much pandering to the straight audiences.

[mkiker2089]

The problem with GI Jane was it was too little and much too late. The fad of women in the military had already passed. Much like Brokeback Mountain was too late and overhyped when Strange Bedfellows and In & Out were the ones that really pushed the envelope.

I think In & Out plays it waaay too safe to qualify as an envelope pusher. Its comedy feels, well, neutered. And while it's not as preachy as Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?, it's still a bit over the top. Brokeback, at least, takes its stories and characters seriously without as much pandering to the straight audiences.

Perhaps but Brokeback loses points to me because it deals more with external issues which feels like a cop out. The people make the absurd choice to be annually gay with little actual thought(which is wrong, you're born that way and don't choose much less wouldn't choose annual meetings) where In & Out deals with the internal struggle of coming to terms with homosexuality. Then again I'm a psych major so I see things from that perspective. I also appreciate how the wacky humor and the use of two dimensional characters distracts the viewer so it can be an agenda piece without feeling like it. It's a pretty straight forward example of brain washing in a way and Micheal Moore could learn a lot from it. Then again Moore makes it a point to piss people off.

You also have to consider the times they were made. BBM was made when being gay was hip. In & Out was made when it was becoming common again for people to be beaten and murdered for their orientation.