Case Number 23464: Small Claims Court

BIKINI GODDESSES / BIKINI GIRLS ON DINOSAUR PLANET

Bikini Goddesses
Seduction Cinema // 1996 // 82 Minutes // Not Rated
Bikini Girls On Dinosaur Planet
Seduction Cinema // 2005 // 58 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Gordon Sullivan // March 9th, 2012

The Charge

"A truly revealing, double-stuff bikini extravaganza"

The Case

There are worse vices than consistency, and consistency is what Seduction Cinema has in spades. I don't want to say that all their films are the same; it's not quite that. Rather, they figure out a way to achieve the requisite number of lesbian couplings per film in a variety of spoofy flicks. Whether they're taking on gladiator flicks (Gladiator Eroticus) or famous fantasy franchises (Lord of the G-String), Seduction utilizes every excuse to get their stable of nubile young women as naked as possible as often as possible. Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet is another in a long line of these types of films, made while Misty Mundae was still a Seduction regular. Her fans (and those who appreciate Seduction's distinct flavor) will enjoy this double feature, while those who are new to the experience might be better off starting with one of their more distinct parody films (like Cloak and Shag Her or An Erotic Werewolf in London) .

A couple in a spaceship are attempting to study "primitive lesbian cultures" on distant planets. They alight above a planet that features a tribe of cavewomen who are not against a little Sapphic action. The film alternates between views of the spaceship and what's happening on the ground as lust overwhelms pretty much everyone involved.

Let's get it out of the way: Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet is a bad, bad film. The acting is so below par it's not even on the course, the (faked) lesbian sex is about as exciting as a K-mart lingerie ad, the effects would embarrass a freshmen art student, and the politics of the whole "primitive lesbian tribe" conceit are questionable at best.

Of course, Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet is not an erotic classic, nor is it even in the same league as something like Troma's famous A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell. What, then, is it? It's a goofy movie with lots of nudity. Not a single person involved with the film appears to be taking it seriously, and the utterly unpretentious aspects of the film are kind of charming. The "dinosaurs" look like something a child would mock up in an off-the-shelf animation program (kind of like the 3D equivalent of clip art). Those dinosaurs are just the tip of the amateurish iceberg. The camera work in the film is shaky, the editing structure strange, and the overall "look" like something out of a weekend project. If that's your thing, then this is another 60-minute home run from Seduction Cinema.

On DVD, Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet looks about as good as anyone could expect. It was apparently shot on prosumer-level video equipment, so it has a digital sheen to it. Colors are kind of drab, detail is not particular strong, and black levels are so-so. With that said, this is about as good as the film can probably look. The stereo audio is not well-mixed, with the spaceship dialogue difficult to make out. Perhaps because they're only giving us grunts and moans, the planet-side stuff sounds better.

The extras for this release include a host of Seduction trailers and a vintage "Nudie Peep Show."

Oh, yeah, and to justify the Bikini Double Feature moniker, Seduction includes a "bonus" film that's actually longer than Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet: Bikini Goddesses.

Bikini Goddess is about a teenager who goes to a resort in Greece, where his dad accidently awakens a trio of goddesses from Ancient Greece. They immediately don bikinis and set about seducing. This film feels totally like the kind of soft-core romp that Cinemax was famous for back in the early '90s. For fans of those kind of films, Bikini Goddess is a godsend. However, for me, it has none of the cheesy charm that makes Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet tolerable. Because it feels more professional (but not really any better), there's something mercenary about Bikini Goddesses that's a serious turnoff. This bonus film looks pretty "eh" as well. It's a 16mm production, and is presented in its OAR of 1.33:1. Grain isn't a huge problem, but colors and detail aren't terribly impressive. We do get an interesting extra in the form of a commentary by director David DeCoteau. He spends most of the commentary's 80 minutes talking about the difficulties of shooting a low-budget erotic picture, especially in Europe.

This one is purely for the Seduction Cinema fans; the arousal factor of these features is pretty low, and even Mundae fans will probably struggle through the main feature. The extras are appreciated, but can't make up for the weakness of Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet.

The Verdict

Guilty.

Review content copyright © 2012 Gordon Sullivan; Site layout and review format copyright © 1998 - 2014 HipClick Designs LLC

Scales of Justice, Bikini Goddesses
Judgment: 70

Perp Profile, Bikini Goddesses
Video Formats:
* Full Frame

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)

Subtitles:
* None

Running Time: 82 Minutes
Release Year: 1996
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks, Bikini Goddesses
* Commentary

Scales of Justice, Bikini Girls On Dinosaur Planet
Judgment: 71

Perp Profile, Bikini Girls On Dinosaur Planet
Video Formats:
* Full Frame

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)

Subtitles:
* None

Running Time: 58 Minutes
Release Year: 2005
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks, Bikini Girls On Dinosaur Planet
* Trailer Vault

Accomplices
* IMDb: Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0447606/combined

* IMDb: Bikini Goddesses
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0115682/combined