Case Number 18410: Small Claims Court

BIKINI JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF EROS

Infinity Entertainment // 2010 // 81 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // February 26th, 2010

The Charge

A return interview with one of cinema's most prolific performers.

The Case

With the release of Retromedia's Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros, DVD Verdict arranged to have a sit-down interview with one of the film's stars, arguably the hardest-working professional in the genre of straight-to-DVD titillation: the Communicable Disease.

Verdict: Welcome back CD, it's always great to talk with you.

Communicable Disease: I'm glad to be back!

Verdict: I have to say, you're looking pretty good.

Communicable Disease: Thanks!

Verdict: And that's saying something, considering you exist on a cellular level.

Communicable Disease: Well, that's what a commitment to fitness and healthy eating will do for you.

Verdict: No doubt. I can clearly see the tone and definition in your protein coat.

Communicable Disease: I have to stay fit, especially in this industry and in this economy. What director is going to hire me if I can't pull my weight on a shoot?

Verdict: I take it then you've been able to keep busy in this challenging climate?

Communicable Disease: Yes, yes I have. Business is good and that's a relief. Like everyone else, I have a mortgage. I have credit card payments. I have crippling gambling debts.

Verdict: Before we get into your work on Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros, what other productions have you been involved in this year?

Communicable Disease: Wow, so much. Um, there was Bikini Trek, Sense and Bikinibility, No Bikini for Old Men, and Bikini Potter and the Chamber of Genitals.

Verdict: That, my friend, is a full plate. So talk to me a little about your experience with Bikini Jones.

Communicable Disease: Oh, it was a great time. But a whole lot of work. In fact, I don't think I've ever worked so hard in my life -- and with so many people!

Verdict: You're not kidding. Have you ever had that much screen time with all those different cast members?

Communicable Disease: Not since The Last Temptation of the Bikini. I was working so hard and so often in this movie, I came seriously close to violating the terms of my Guild of Viral Performers contract.

Verdict: That sounds accurate, judging from the footage I've seen. So what's the movie about?

Communicable Disease: Hmmmm. What do you think the movie's about?

Verdict: I asked you first.

Communicable Disease: Okay, you're kind of putting me on the spot here. Let's see, there's Bikini Jones and she finds the idol and I guess it has a map on it to some treasure and an evil space queen wants it and...honestly that's the best I can do.

Verdict: I'm impressed! That's the most coherent description of the story I've heard.

Communicable Disease: Well, I caught the off-Broadway play the movie was based on.

Verdict: Talk to me about your co-star, Christine Nguyen.

Communicable Disease: She's such a warm person, both figuratively and literally.

Verdict: You had a lot of scenes with her. A lot. Was there any awkwardness between you two?

Communicable Disease: No way. Our performances were comfortable and complementary. Besides, it helped that she had worked with a lot of my family members over the years.

Verdict: Any close calls?

Communicable Disease: Heh, you read the piece in Variety, too? That incident was wildly overblown. Any shower scene has its challenges for a performer like me, of course. It's never fun to be around soapy water. But I do what the director asks of me.

Verdict: Good work pulling yourself together for the subsequent scenes in the doctor's office, the living room, the office, and the futuristic dome lounge.

Communicable Disease: Thanks.

Verdict: What do you have coming up?

Communicable Disease: I'm actually going to take a break from films for a while to write my memoirs.

Verdict: Cool. Got a title yet?

Communicable Disease: "Crotch Times."

The Verdict

Guilty, but a shot of penicillin should clear that right up.

Review content copyright © 2010 David Johnson; Site layout and review format copyright © 1998 - 2014 HipClick Designs LLC

Scales of Justice
Judgment: 65

Perp Profile
Studio: Infinity Entertainment
Video Formats:
* 1.85:1 Anamorphic

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)

Subtitles:
* None

Running Time: 81 Minutes
Release Year: 2010
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks
* None

Accomplices
* None