Fox // 2009 // 54 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // May 20th, 2009
I hate my life.
Of the two warring factions -- those that find Family Guy clever and hilarious and those that loathe it with the fire of a supernova -- I firmly place myself in the latter camp. The show sucks and its overdependence on gags is cheap and irksome.
The good news for those of you -- for some ungodly reason -- that find yourselves in the former "Family Guy makes me laugh consistently and Seth MacFarlane is my comedy god," Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy should tickle your funny bone. Of course, if that's the kind of person you are I highly doubt there's any part of your body that can be described as "funny," particularly your stupid brain.
Sorry. That's inappropriate, but I'm still in a bad mood. This disc just sucked out the joy from my soul like a gravitational singularity eating a planet.
Here's how this thing shakes out: for a shade south of sixty minutes, you will be subjected to a series of animated shorts and then it ends and your life will be a dreary vacuum. Basically, consider it a batch of gags from Family Guy, removed from the show and sprinkled with potty-mouth words.
Also, none of it is funny. I didn't laugh once and that wasn't because I went in angling to be a hater. I'm an open-minded chap, no matter what horrors MacFarlane wrought upon me in the past. That neutral outlook was promptly burned up after the first few minutes of this waking nightmare.
The kind of incisive, witty comedy you can anticipate is Optimus Prime having sex with a girl, a sheep getting shorn and being erotically aroused, gay jokes galore, a mountain climber popping in on a wedding (?), some idiotic recurring gag with a Scottish man talking about famous movies, gutless shots at Christianity and Republicans and Southerners (Wow an inbred joke! Awesome!) and a lot more stuff that, thankfully, I have managed to push to the deep recesses of my subconscious. Awful, awful stuff, none of which elicited the faintest of smirks.
Fox's DVD brings a full-frame transfer, a 5.1 surround mix and a pretentious segment at the red-carpet premiere.
In conclusion, screw this crap.
Seriously. Screw this crap. I'd rather watch an appendectomy gone wrong.
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Scales of Justice
* Full Frame
* Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Running Time: 54 Minutes
Release Year: 2009
MPAA Rating: Not Rated