Case Number 17494: Small Claims Court


Hack Movies // 2009 // 81 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Gordon Sullivan // October 16th, 2009

The Charge

Evil is uncircumcised.

The Case

As a judge here at Verdict, I've seen my share of no-budget independent horror/gore flicks. Most of these films are steaming piles of excrement, and only saved by one thing, be it gore, nudity, or clever violence. Once in a long while a no-budget film comes along that manages to orchestrate all these elements into a weird stew that actually allows the action on screen to rise above the pathetic budget to create a surprising bit of cinematic wonder. The lads and lasses of Hack Movies, an underground movie "studio" which does the vast majority of its distribution over the Internet, have accomplished this rare feat with CockHammer. Here is a film so freakin' messed up that gonzo gore fans are going to want to check it out ASAP.

CockHammer is the story of two sex-crazed losers, Terrence (Joe Hammerstone) and Perander (Erik K. Williams), who send their girlfriends out to buy some weed before having sex with them again. The only problem is that the girls get kidnapped by a sorcerer named CockHammer who will sacrifice them to ascend to a higher dimension. Despite the tremendous amount of drugs in their system, Terrenece and Perander must do battle with CockHammer to rescue their ladies.

I'll be the first to say that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover or a film by its title, but if you think that CockHammer is a perfectly epic name for a no-budget gore film, then you're the perfect audience for this flick. It's got pretty much everything you'd expect from cheesy dialogue and acting to nudity and gore in spades. The story isn't exactly earth-shattering, with parts cribbed from a host of films, including Pulp Fiction), but it's a suitable frame to hang sex jokes, drug taking, satanic rambling, and random acts of gore and violence on.

Other films have all those elements as well, but what sets CockHammer apart is the filmmakers sheer willingness to let it all hang out. I don't think I've ever heard as many scatological or sexual references in a film before. Every other word out of Terrence's and Perander's mouths is about having some kind of kinky sex with their girlfriends (and it's during such a scene of kinky sex that we're introduced to our would-be heroes). I pride myself on collecting (like my hero George Carlin) euphemisms for sexual activities, and even with my vast stores of knowledge I was occasionally stumped by the sheer volume of sexual references in this film. It's like Kevin Strange sat down at the Urban Dictionary, hit "random," and did his best to incorporate whatever came up into the script. For a lesser writer all this material would drag the show down, but Strange keeps the tempo fast so the sex references are never front-and-center but instead provide spice to keep things moving. Then there's the gore and nudity. The gore is all cheap but well-executed, with some surprisingly good makeup effects for a no-budget film, and the nudity is of the male and female variety. Some might be shocked by the full-on shot of two guys manicuring their man-tackle, but it provides an amusing interlude and shows how far the cast and crew are willing to take things.

Kevin Strange and crew also succeed by incorporating their story into a larger mythology (not unlike the venerable Troma Studios), and those who have been following Hack Movies will see several familiar characters. The two hit men from Stiff Jobs are back, as are the stoner pair from Dead Shit, and these lived-in characters give the film some continuity and an odd charm.

Hack Movies may make no-budget gore flicks that are distributed primarily from their Web site (which they advertise before the menu on this disc), but they sure don't cheap out on their DVDs. This release comes with a decent anamorphic transfer and solid audio. Don't expect Hollywood level visuals from the film, but do expect that it looks fairly clean and free of compression problems (at least on this check disc they sent). The audio is well-recorded for this budget level and that comes through loud and clear on the mix. Extras are also fairly plentiful. There are two different commentaries moderated by Kevin Strange, both of which are jovial affairs mixing a bit of production info in with a long line of comedic interludes. There are also about six minutes of bloopers from the set, and four short featurettes on how various parts of the film were achieved. The disc also includes trailers for all of the Hack Movies films.

I'm not gonna lie: CockHammer is a juvenile bit of gore-soaked cinematic fluff that'll likely only appeal to the young and twisted. God bless Hack Movies for that. Anybody who's been hankering for a clever mix of sex jokes and gore shots in the no-budget Troma vein should check out CockHammer.

The Verdict

Since I want to trade my gavel in for a CockHammer (whatever that is), I think the film is not guilty.

Review content copyright © 2009 Gordon Sullivan; Site layout and review format copyright © 1998 - 2016 HipClick Designs LLC

Scales of Justice
Judgment: 80

Perp Profile
Studio: Hack Movies
Video Formats:
* 1.78:1 Anamorphic

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)

* None

Running Time: 81 Minutes
Release Year: 2009
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks
* Commentaries
* Featurette
* Bloopers
* Trailers

* IMDb