Something Weird Video // 1973 // 75 Minutes // Unrated
Reviewed by Judge Bill Gibron (Retired) // June 27th, 2000
Watch the mob get busted when Chesty takes her revenge.
Chesty "Zsa Zsa" Morgan is Crystal, living the swinging life of a successful '70s ad executive in oversized platform shoes and ill-fitting blouses. Crystal's business acumen seems directly linked to the fact that she has breasts the size of advertising blimps. When not "landing" a big client, she cares for her aging father, and sexes it up with her fiancé, who looks like he drinks Vitalis on the rocks. When a mob boss decides to bury some of his surplus ammunition in the chest of Ms. Morgan's maturing man friend, our blank faced bag of boobs decides to get revenge and use her gargantuan gazangas like knocker nanchakus. After bust smothering several henchmen, including a thankfully panted Harry Reams, Chesty uncovers the startling truth about the kingpin's identity.
Director Doris Wishman's cinematic style can best be described as mise-en-mess and this DVD captures it in its entire hilarious stream of unconsciousness. This movie is a hooter-esque hoot. The campy dialogue and flaccid plot are just an excuse to get Chesty in and (mostly) out of her clothes Granted, Ms. Morgan is an odd choice for a starlet, since she cannot speak intelligibly and has difficulty with involuntary motor functions, like sitting. Still, you got to love a gal whose idea of a sensuous ensemble is to wear panty hose over a girdle. On the down side, Wishman's point at anything and shoot style can grow annoying, and with a thick accented faux leading lady (whose only selling point is her enormous chest) in tow, Doris is all theatrical thumbs. Chesty also has beauty "issues"; there is a harsh, war torn look about her, like she just finished a stint in the Gulag Archipelago hemming the Iron Curtain. Still, this is a movie high on unintentional humor and filled to the celluloid brim with unbelievably goofy non-acting and gigantic boobies.
For something as over the top and wacky as this film, you'd expect Something Weird to go out of their way and create a true special edition DVD. Well, you'd be wrong, since all that is offered here is a fairly nice full screen transfer, a mono soundtrack, the trailers for Chesty's two films, a rather silly 1950s educational short on how to build a better bustline, and the standard SWV gallery of exploitation art. With no deleted scenes (in some ways, this film plays like one big deleted scene) or Doris Wishman commentary (some Chesty on the set war stories would be nice) to be found, this is fairly bare-bones. Still, as one of the first batch of DVDs released by Something Weird Video, it does a great job of introducing a new generation to the cinematic voice of a truly maverick exploitation queen. Wishman is still alive and making films. However, nothing can mount the summit of smut silliness that is Deadly Weapons. For lovers of the bizarre, this DVD is one to own. Everyone else will find it a "so bad it's classic" rental. Thank you, Chesty, for making us laugh about love and lungs once again.
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Something Weird Video
* Full Frame
* Dolby Digital 1.0 Mono (English)
Running Time: 75 Minutes
Release Year: 1973
MPAA Rating: Unrated
* Educational Short Subject
* Gallery of Exploitation Art