Alternative Cinema // 2004 // 120 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Appellate Judge Mac McEntire // July 15th, 2005
They should've called it "Demon Sucks."
So, this movie -- if you can call it that -- begins with an expository narration while the camera lingers over drawings of aliens and faraway planets. And I mean that literally. Someone is actually holding the camera over album cover-ish artwork from somebody's sketchbook. And whoever recorded the voiceover must have been standing in another room from the microphone, because her voice is so faint and distorted you can barely make out what she's saying. I think the gist of it is that there are aliens who never grow old, and they've been living among us for centuries, and they're the source of vampire mythology, and, like so many others, they're waiting for a "chosen one" to be born.
From there, the action jumps to a scientist, played by a flabby guy with long hair and a goatee. Typing away on a computer, he announces that he's working on some sort of DNA sample. He says it's like nothing he's ever seen before, and he thinks it might be of alien origin. At this point, the director must have thought to himself, "This is way too much plot for me to handle. Time to bring out the strippers." And sure enough, the next third of the movie takes place at a strip club, where we see a series of ladies do their entire routines.
From there, the tone of the movie is pretty much set. There are naked women in a swimming pool, naked women oiling each other up, naked women in the shower, naked women torturing each other with knives, and just plain naked women. A few guys show up, only to be murdered by said naked women. The gore effects are the usual red-colored corn syrup, or maybe it's watered down strawberry jam. There are numerous shots of the women pouring the red stuff all over their bodies, which must be some sort of fetish for the director. Eventually the scientist guy shows up again, and it does go back to the whole "giving birth to the chosen one" storyline, but will anyone care by that point?
Brinke Stevens is in this movie, by the way. For the uninitiated, Ms. Stevens is the, ahem, "star" of epics such as Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, and Dr. Horror's Erotic House of Idiots. As such, she has developed quite the cult following over the years. Here, she plays the leader of the aliens/demons/vampires/whatever, but all they have her do is say cryptic yet meaningless lines like, "The time of the new awakening is fast approaching." She deserves better.
The packaging proudly proclaims that the movie is in anamorphic widescreen, but that doesn't really matter when the picture itself is so hazy and grainy. As mentioned above, the audio is even worse. There's not a lot of dialogue here, but when there is, it's either overpowered by the synthesized music or so muddled and indistinct that you'll be straining to hear every word. The extras here are a trailer, two short films that are more of the same, and a "peep show" from 1964 that reveals that strippers took off their clothes 40 years ago just like they do today.
I can't recommend this movie to anyone. If you really want to look at naked women, there are all kinds of other places to find them. If you want an erotic horror movie, this isn't it. Not even if you're a die-hard Brinke Stevens fan, because she's just not that much a presence here to make a difference.
Is there a verdict I can give that's worse than "guilty?" Life sentence? Instant death penalty? Take it out behind the tool shed and shoot it?
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Alternative Cinema
* 1.78:1 Anamorphic
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Running Time: 120 Minutes
Release Year: 2004
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
* "Demon Treasure" Bonus Featurette
* "Demon Familiars" Bonus Featurette
* "A Taste of Retro" Vintage Peep Show
* Brinke Stevens Bio