Something Weird Video // 1974 // 72 Minutes // Unrated
Reviewed by Judge Bill Gibron (Retired) // June 7th, 2002
Watch out for the booby traps. They're explosive!
Chesty Morgan is back, and so is her front. She plays Jane, an undercover spy who is given the choice assignment of breaking crime boss Toplar's "low grade" heroin ring. In order to get the goods on the goon, she has a camera implanted in her teat, which she operates by lifting and separating. For some vague, incoherent reason the camera also contains a bomb. After thwarting a post surgical assassination attempt, and sporting a kicky new wig and inert fashion sense, its secret agent super stupid on the case. The remainder of the film has Jane readily finding all the necessary drug connections, thwarting their advances and superior motor skills, and stripping down to her trusty pantyhose and girdle to make like Annie Lebowitz (or is that Sprinkle?). Anyway, there is a subplot involving a guy named Tim (who may or may not be involved with the syndicate) who falls for our lady in eye lacquer. But just like Chesty's various hairpieces, it feels tacked on.
Realizing that Deadly Weapons had too much plot, Doris Wishman decided to boil down this soil to its bare ass essentials. That means lots and lots of shots of Chesty Morgan topless. Granted, this will thrill those who thought the previous Wishman/Morgan epic too coherent and well acted. Still, Chesty's ample assets are an effective and priceless motion picture marketing device, like bullet time in The Matrix, or Sophia Coppola in Godfather III. Unfortunately, Chesty looks more bored, lost, and confused here than before, as if she knew that it was her rack, alone, that was carrying the picture. Her line delivery, even overdubbed, is monotone. Truly, there is no other reason to watch this movie than to see Chesty waddle painfully from one disconnected scene to another, simply to drop blou and let those mammoth mammaries undulate and sway. As a human biological oddity, Chesty is a mountain in a world of molehills. As an actress, screen presence, and sex object, she's more Charles than Mamie Van Doren. This is either hilarious or pathetic...take your pick.
Again, Something Weird goes light on the DVD packaging and extras. We are offered a full screen mono presentation that is good without being great. There is the standard Chesty Morgan trailers, gallery of exploitation art, and a genuinely odd archival short featuring Tempest Storm having her chest immortalized in plaster (?). This disc would definitely benefit from a commentary, since Wishman has often on the record discussed how absolutely miserable it was working with Chesty. Apparently, what we are seeing on the screen are NOT the mistakes. What did she really expect from a woman who spends most of her days wearing an elaborate series of trusses that would make Fred Garvin jealous? As it stands, this is for exploitation completists only, as the casual fan will find this a much tougher road to haul than Weapons. If you must have everything SWV puts out, buy it. Otherwise, get good and liquored up and rent it.
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Something Weird Video
* Full Frame
* Dolby Digital 1.0 Mono (English)
Running Time: 72 Minutes
Release Year: 1974
MPAA Rating: Unrated
* Archival Short Subject
* Gallery of Exploitation Art