Case Number 12470: Small Claims Court


Warner Bros. // 1995 // 565 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // November 28th, 2007

The Charge

And so it ends, after eight releases, Full House. If you've been hanging with me for these, er, "reviews," well, thanks for putting up with some real stupid stuff. If you were looking for actual, thoughtful critical apologies. -- Dave

The Case

Full House: The Lost Series Finale

Inside the Tanner household. The family sits in the living room. JOEY cradles a bowl of popcorn. MICHELLE reaches in and starts chewing. It's movie night.

DANNY: Okay everybody, here they are, the missing home movies.

DJ: Great, Dad, where'd you find them?

DANNY: When I was helping our Uncle Jesse clean his apartment, I stumbled across this old box, wedged in between the studs.

JOEY: You're not talking about you guys are you?


JESSE: Ha, ha, very funny popcorn-head.


MICHELLE: Popcorn-head!


DANNY: Okay, okay Michelle, what's our rule for calling each other names in this family?

MICHELLE: Um, don't do it if you'll get caught?


STEPHANIE: So Dad let's pop in the movies!

DJ: Yeah, Dad!

JOEY: Come on Danny (in Bullwinkle voice) it's showtime!


DANNY: Let me just run down the Movie Night Checklist. We've got popcorn, Twizzlers, I'm wearing my most comfortable slippers, the dishes are done --


JESSE: Hey, hey, can we just watch the videos, huh?


DANNY: Fine --

Doorbell rings.

JOEY: Come in!

JESSE: What are you doing? That could be a lunatic out there and you just invited him in!


JOEY: What kind of lunatic rings the doorbell?


Door opens and KIMMY walks in.

JESSE: F -- -!


KIMMY: Hey Tanner household.

DJ: Hi, Kimmy we're just about to watch our old home movies!

KIMMY: Great. This is a real testament to how pathetic my life is.


DANNY: Before we get started --

Everyone groans.


DANNY: -- I wanted to take a second to reminisce about the adventures we've had this year. Who could forget Michelle's fall from that horse and her subsequent memory loss?

MICHELLE: Duh, me!


JESSE: Or how about when I played in that three-on-three basketball tournament with you guys and Kareem Abdul-Montana?


JOEY: That would be "Jabbar" and I'm still amazed he found the time to give you shooting tips.


JESSE: He's actually a pretty cool guy. We ended up going out for martinis after the game.


DJ: Steph, remember when you went for that joyride with those boys?

STEPHANIE: Yeah, that was fun.


DANNY: Excuse me young lady?


STEPHANIE: I meant the learning experience and the opportunity to grow as a person was fun.


DANNY: Better.


MICHELLE: DJ, how about all the boys who were fighting over you?

REBECCA: Yeah, Deej you sure were the "whore of the house" those days!


DJ: Aunt Becky!

DANNY: Becky, what did we say about calling each other names?


BECKY: I'm kidding! Between the rock star and the sensitive rich kid, you sure had your hands full!

DJ: Thank goodness Steve came back just in time to take me to the prom! I guess you can say I was saved by the ball!


JOEY: I don't get it.


DJ: It's an inside joke.


DANNY: Donna Joe, what's the rule about inside jokes?

DJ: Is there a rule about inside jokes?

DANNY: I guess not.


JOEY: Now if I recall, Danny, DJ wasn't the only one in this family who found love.

DANNY: Are you talking about me?

JOEY: Of course I am! Who else would I be talking about? The last date I had was in my mind, with a mermaid.


JESSE: That's bizarre and disturbing.


JOEY: No, what's disturbing is that mermaid looked like Kimmy!


JESSE: I swear I just threw up in my mouth a little.


KIMMY: Go Gladstone!


JOEY: It's not something I'm proud of Gibbler, especially after that stunt you pulled when you got yourself drunk and forced DJ to ostracize herself from some college students.


DANNY: So many memories. I love you guys.


DANNY: Time to fire up the VCR and reminisce some more! What do you say?

JESSE: Let's do it!

JOEY: I'm ready!

MICHELLE: Awesome dude!

Danny pops in a VHS tape and presses play. Hard-core pornography flashes on the screen. It stars a sailor taking a large-breasted woman in a mermaid suit from behind. The title reads: THE LITTLE SPERMAID.

DANNY: Joey!

JOEY: I need to find better hiding places!


Review content copyright © 2007 David Johnson; Site layout and review format copyright © 1998 - 2016 HipClick Designs LLC

Scales of Justice
Judgment: 70

Perp Profile
Studio: Warner Bros.
Video Formats:
* Full Frame

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)

* None

Running Time: 565 Minutes
Release Year: 1995
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks
* None

* IMDb

* Season One Review

* Season Two Review

* Season Three Review

* Season Four Review

* Season Five Review

* Season Six Review

* Season Seven Review