MTI // 2008 // 90 Minutes // Rated R
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // July 3rd, 2009
Love is hell.
Outlaw lovers Billy (Christian Kane, Angel) and Betty (Rachel Miner, The Black Dahlia) have robbed, assaulted, and shot people to death, ransacked a diner, and squared off with an entire detachment of cops. But nothing can stand in the way of their love, even prison. While getting carted off to jail where he'll be locked up forever, Billy is miraculously freed and reunited with Betty.
But something's up. There's a sinister presence tracking the lovebirds, and Billy's beloved sister has been dragged into the weirdness. Who is it that's creeping everybody out, slinking around, stringing up blindfolded girls and emotionally assaulting them? The truth will maybe surprise you...if, like me, you were slipping in and out of consciousness.
That might have been a bit of a cheap shot, because, really, Hide isn't all that bad. I'm a big fan of Christian Kane, so it's good to see him get more work. Plus, the final reveal is genuinely cool, and that last scene is memorable. It's the fluff in the middle that holds the whole enterprise down.
The criminals-in-love schtick is laid on real thick, slathered with deep-fried dialogue that's heavy on the accents and amorphous verbiage about how "your past will come back to haunt you," and light on anything of substance. This is how corny it gets: Christian Kane takes a moment to sit down and talk to a dog, admiring him for how much of a fighter he is. Whatever.
The ending almost salvaged the experience, as the film went real dark, real fast. Like, horror movie dark. The body count in the beginning wasn't a foppish comic romp by any means, but the tonal shift between that first scene and the final fifteen minutes is stark. Too little too late, methinks.
Not much happening technically: an adequate 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, 2.0 stereo, and just the trailer in extras bin.
Guilty. No thanks.
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Scales of Justice
* 1.85:1 Anamorphic
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Release Year: 2008
MPAA Rating: Rated R