Case Number 08737: Small Claims Court

MARTHA STEWART: MARTHA'S WEDDING IDEAS

Warner Bros. // 2006 // 187 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Brett Cullum // March 6th, 2006

The Charge

Your wedding day is yours and yours alone, a time of celebration and joy. Let the many ideas here inspire an unforgettable wedding day that's truly personal.
-- Martha Stewart

The Case

Martha Stewart: Martha's Wedding Ideas is an abbreviated and lower-priced version of her full-blown four-disc megaset Martha Stewart: Martha's Complete Weddings. If you own that set, no need to pick up this one, which covers the same material in a single disc. Martha teaches you how to do floral arrangements, table settings, cakes, bridal gowns, details, favors, themes, wedding planners, and car decorations. Even though it's a mere 187 minutes, you'll be exhausted after watching Stewart handcraft every element of a wedding, all from items found in her own backyard. If you're a bride-to-be, a professional wedding planner, or simply someone interested in how to throw a larger-than-life party with arts and crafts, this is a great DVD brimming over with wonderful ideas. The disc is a compendium of clips from her television series Martha Stewart Living, and that's where all these "good things" come from. "Good things," huh?

Let's face it, Martha Stewart is Satan. No, actually she's probably some kind of evil overlord of Lucifer himself, and he is merely a minion enslaved to do her bidding. How else can you explain a woman who can create the perfect floral bouquet for a bride out of flowers found in her backyard? And then turn around and whip up a four-layer wedding cake complete with artistic bows and flowers perfectly created from sugar icing she whips up herself from sugar cane in her backyard, and using water she drew from a well she constructed last week out of sticks she found by the side of the road? The woman has freaky powers of creation that destroys the egos of housewives around the country, who cry as their pile of flowers just won't stay put for a bouquet or while their ready-mix cakes fall time and again. Desperate housewives everywhere spend hours trying to recreate her projects that even the denizens of Stepford would find troubling.

But the woman still has a fan base, and who am I to claim "she'll decorate your house with glitter and a pine cone before eating your soul"? She was ruthlessly prosecuted for a rather illegal stock move, and sent up the river to "Camp Cupcake." Seemed the world had it out for Martha, and she paid for all the evil moves of CEOs around the country. She's been criticized publicly by the likes of Donald Trump, even after he courted her to work on a new version of The Apprentice. So in the interest of fair play and justice, I will admit that the woman knows what she is doing when it comes to crafts and entertaining. The tips and projects contained in Martha Stewart: Martha's Wedding Ideas are stunning and well executed.

I decided to try out the first project on my own -- the one where you make a bouquet from things in your garden. Now. I live in a one bedroom apartment, so I assembled what I could from my various flower boxes outside (none of these are Martha's suggestion). I grabbed a few fistfuls of cranberry colored sunsatias, deep orange primulas, basil, and catnip (I have a pet cat). I took some floral tape, and began winding it around the stems. Then I put wire in the shape of a cross around some of the blooms, wrapped red ribbon around the base, and fastened it all with pearl-headed corsage pins. I felt extremely proud of my homespun bridal bouquet. It's deeply personal, and the groom will be thrilled to see his betrothed followed by a procession of feral alley cats after her flowers. Voila! Perfection on a platter, if I do say so myself.

All kidding aside, if you're stressed out about coming nuptials this disc may provide good ideas on how to get organized and offer suggestions. The advice on table decorations are actually achievable, and I did find Martha's explanation of dresses quite sensible. The full screen presentation is very clear. The stereo track sounds clear and bright. Having these projects on DVD will help immensely, because you can pause and rewind at the drop of a hat when Martha or her guests move too quickly during a segment. Special features include extra helpful hints and ideas. Not a bad package, reasonably priced, well thought out and fine for any bride who wants their wedding advice from a Satan-controlling ex-con. Remember...it's a good thing.

Review content copyright © 2006 Brett Cullum; Site layout and review format copyright © 1998 - 2014 HipClick Designs LLC

Scales of Justice
Judgment: 85

Perp Profile
Studio: Warner Bros.
Video Formats:
* Full Frame

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)

Subtitles:
* French
* Spanish

Running Time: 187 Minutes
Release Year: 2006
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks
* Tips and Techniques
* Wedding Planner
* Pompom Car Decorations

Accomplices
* IMDb
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0185087/combined