A&E // 2012 // 53 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // December 19th, 2012
1992. Utica, NY.
YOUNG DAVE: I have no idea what I'm going to do for my science fair project. Another volcano? Maybe I can grow some mold on yogurt.
PRESENT DAY DAVE: Hello there.
YOUNG DAVE: Wha -- ? Who are you? Where did come from?
PRESENT DAY DAVE: Relax. I'm you in 2012. I've come back with a very important message.
YOUNG DAVE: Wow, this is awesome! Look at me. I'm tall!
PRESENT DAY DAVE: Zip it. I have critical information for you and time is short.
YOUNG DAVE: Sorry. Go ahead.
PRESENT DAY DAVE: Look at me and concentrate.
YOUNG DAVE: I'm looking at you. Tell me already!
PRESENT DAY DAVE: You need to focus. You can not forget what I am about to tell you.
YOUNG DAVE: Fine, fine. I'm ready.
PRESENT DAY DAVE: Okay. Here it is. I know you think sports blooper compilations are funny, but you have to believe me, they aren't.
YOUNG DAVE: I'm sorry, what?
PRESENT DAY DAVE: Listen to me man! Sports blooper compilations are terrible!
YOUNG DAVE: I don't know why you're getting so worked up. Sports bloopers are hilarious! Like when Jose Canseco got hit on the head with that fly ball --
PRESENT DAY DAVE: Stop! You have to stop. I just saw that clip for the millionth time on the MLB All-Time Bloopers DVD --
YOUNG DAVE: Wait...What's a DVD?
PRESENT DAY DAVE: That's not important now! I just watched 53 minutes of baseball bloopers and realized I lived a lie during my childhood. Birds on the diamond, idiots falling from the stands while going for foul balls, mid-field collisions, some guy kicking a baseball. These things are not funny! I don't care what wacky sound effects they put over the top of them.
YOUNG DAVE: Geez man...Fine, I won't laugh at any more bloopers.
PRESENT DAY DAVE: You don't get it! You can't just not laugh at them. You have to devote your life to spreading the word about this blooper menace. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell strangers on the street!
YOUNG DAVE: Okay...if it means that much to you...er, me...I'll do it. But tell me one thing. I eventually have sex with a girl, right?
PRESENT DAY DAVE: You are married to a lovely woman who is currently expecting our second child.
YOUNG DAVE: So that's a yes?
PRESENT DAY DAVE: Wow, you are a dumb-ass.
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Scales of Justice
* Full Frame
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Running Time: 53 Minutes
Release Year: 2012
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
* Major League Baseball