Case Number 03922: Small Claims Court


Paramount // 2003 // 88 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Bryan Byun (Retired) // February 18th, 2004

The Charge

Cate: Let go of me!

Heath: Never, okay??

The Case

Okay, when I sat down to watch this movie and saw the Wuthering Heights title, I was like, "Oh my God, isn't that the book we had to read in, like 11th grade English? Whatever!" I was totally about to take this out and watch America's Next Top Model instead, but then I saw Erika Christensen, who played that psycho beyotch in Swimfan, on the cover along with like three totally cute boys, so I was like, "Okay, I'll give this movie five minutes."

Oh. My. God. This movie was soooo good. It wasn't like the book AT ALL. I mean, it was kinda like the book, but without all the boring parts, y'know? And it was all, like, modern times. It had Erika Christensen as Cate and this totally HOT blond guy playing Heathcliff, but in the movie his name is Heath, which is so much less dorky. And, like, they live in this awesome lighthouse next to the beach with Cate's dad and her weird brother, who's supposed to be like this punk or something, and he's all pissed off because he doesn't like Heath. Anyway, Cate and Heath are just like this totally cute couple, and I guess they don't go to school or anything because they spend all day lying around on the beach making out.

So, like, they have these mega rich neighbors, Edward Linton, who's played by that guy who plays Francis on Malcolm in the Middle, and his sister Isabel, who's this TOTAL STUCK UP BEYOTCH. I mean, at first I was like, what is her deal? But then you find out that she's all hot for Heath, and then it's like, yeah, duh, because Heath is so cute, with cool long hair and stubble and everything, and he rides a motorcycle and SINGS.

Anyway, there's like this whole plot about how Cate and Heath love each other but Cate, like, feels smothered (I mean, yeah right, excuse me, he's totally hot, hello?) and she ends up with Edward but she's still hung up on Heath. And Heath ends up with Isabel and turns into this famous rock star and everything, but it's so obvious he's still in love with Cate. I won't give the ending away but it's soooo sad, I was totally crying at the end!

Everybody is SO good in this movie. I mean, Heath is really deep, and he spends like half the movie all staring out at the ocean, and you can totally tell he's thinking about Cate. And then later he's all grabbing Cate and Cate's trying to get away and she's all, "YOU'RE HURTING ME!" and Heath is all, "YOU'RE KILLING ME!" Oh my God, I totally died. And then Heath runs after her with his shirt off and omigod it was so awesome.

I was so hoping there would be extra stuff on the DVD, like pictures of Heath or a music video, but it doesn't have ANYTHING on it. That sucks so bad. And the music is kinda cheesy, because it's by that guy who wrote that song on that Meat Loaf video, which is like, gross, but it was okay. I think everyone should watch this movie because it's totally kewl and WAY better than that stupid book.

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Scales of Justice
Judgment: 10

Perp Profile
Studio: Paramount
Video Formats:
* 1.78:1 Anamorphic

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround (English)

* None

Running Time: 88 Minutes
Release Year: 2003
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks
* None

* IMDb

* Official Site