Camp Motion Pictures // 2009 // 90 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // December 17th, 2009
Nuns with guns.
Camp Motion Pictures coughs up another whacked-out B-movie; a grindhouse effort that seeks to provoke through sacrilege and violence, but ends up surprisingly lifeless and mundane.
She's a nun with a short fuse and has the name to prove it. Sister Kelly Wrath (Sarah Nicklin) is a young woman who doesn't hesitate to mix up trouble with anyone she feels deserves it. After she attacks a corrupt priest, she's tossed out on the street. But a secret society of Catholic crime-fighters has bigger plans in store for her.
She's corralled and sent to Heaven (or thereabouts), where she learns from a disco-loving Jesus that she's been drafted into the Order of the Black Habit, a Divinely-ordained super-secret squad of hit nuns, tasked with unleashing God's vengeance on the world's scumbags.
These guys are trying really hard to pump up the controversy, playing the blasphemy card and whatnot, but let's not kid ourselves. Compared to some of the nunsploitation import horror from the '70s I've seen over the years, Nun of That is strictly JV.
I suppose if I worked really hard at it and focused, I could find stuff that offended me. One of the nuns has a picture of Jesus seductively reclining in briefs, the musical sequence in Heaven has some iffy lyrics, some nuns make out and dry hump each other and then there's the idea of "Brides of Christ" murdering people in increasingly violent ways under direct instruction from Up High. On paper, sure there can be some vehemence to spout off. But, hey, I'm a God-fearing brother and to be honest, none of this got my outrage barometer spiking. Maybe that's because I'm unfortunately desensitized to this sort of religious mockery, though I reckon it's just because Nun of That is hugely stupid.
Like, really, really, really, really stupid. I'm all for indie, low-budget attempts at entertaining schlock. The guys behind Nun of That obviously want to put out a memorable B-flick and I had my hopes when I first saw the title and the disc case cover. Nope. The film comes up empty. The jokes are cheap and fall flat (hey, it's Gandhi perpetrating violence! It was funnier in UHF!), the acting is amateurish, and the over-the-top kill gags aren't nearly gory enough to stick out. In fact, the very premise of this badass nun hit squad, which admittedly has some potential, is squandered. The nuns themselves aren't interesting, saddled with low-trajectory plotting and dull lines. Even Sister Wrath, the main character, comes across as little more than a scowling girl in a habit.
That's all I've got for Nun of That. Perhaps if you're desperate for trashy (not that trashy actually, as the sleaze quotient is lean) indie fluff with borderline blasphemous tendencies, there's amusement to be had here. But 95% of the population should skip it.
The disc: 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, 5.1 surround, a making-of featurette, the original short that inspired the feature and, allegedly, commentaries with the cast and filmmakers, but I couldn't find them.
Nun of That is an unholy misfire.
Guilty. Kick this habit.
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Camp Motion Pictures
* 1.78:1 Anamorphic
* Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Release Year: 2009
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
* Short Film