Case Number 12614


Th!nkFilm // 2007 // 85 Minutes // Rated R
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // December 16th, 2007

The Charge

Learning the ABC's just got a lot more interesting.

Opening Statement

This latest college sex comedy boasts one of the more offensive plotlines I've seen from the genre. That's saying something.

Facts of the Case

PIGS follows the adventure of campus stuff Miles (Jefferson Brown), a guy who has become a sex legend in his dorm room. Miles's jackass friend Cleaver (Darryn Lucio) has an idea to turn his pal's carnal prowess into a money-making scheme: the alphabet challenge. Can Miles sleep with 26 different girls, each with a name starting with a different letter of the alphabet?

A pool is formed, odds are laid out and the wagering begins as Miles hits the campus looking for intercourse with as many ladies as possible. But his biggest challenge will be bedding the "X," the lovely Gabrielle Xeropolos (Melanie Marden), who proves to be such a terrific girl, Miles is smitten. Can he bring himself to violate the girl he loves for the sake of a bet? And shouldn't God have struck this douchebag down in the crib and made the Earth a better place?

The Evidence

Wow, what a harsh, nihilistic teen sex comedy this movie turned out to be. Or maybe I'm overreacting? I know there's tons of promiscuity going down at colleges, but do wagers for sleeping with and discarding 26 women happened regularly in academia? Seems a bit heartless to me, and that is exactly what hamstrings this comedy for me: it's utter lack of heart.

There are some attempts to inject actual feeling and conscience into the proceedings, mainly though the foil of a third roommate who objects to the contest (but is relegated to nerd status), but these are meager. Especially when you stack the soupy moralizing to the creepy storyline of boinking anything that moves.

Look I don't want to sound prudish, and of course you have to have some bumping and grinding in your storytelling if you dare call yourself a teen sex comedy, but what the popular films of similar ilk that PIGS lacks is likable characters. Characters with heart, you dig? None of the guys here is remotely wroth rooting for, starting with Miles himself, a profound a-hole who supposedly has a massive change of heart because he's ga-ga for his newest wannabe conquest and does get some come-uppance but not nearly what he's due.

Seriously, are we supposed to empathize with a massive tool that beds any girl he wants and then smirks a lot and move along? Don't guys who watch teen sex comedies watch them because they were likely beat up by that kind of smarmy dickhead? Cleaver is a little better, mainly because he's a doofus and stupid things happen to him constantly. But even the character the audience is allegedly supposed to cheer for, Ben (Christopher Elliott), the shy kid acts like a jerk, cowardly narcking on Miles in order to get to Gabrielle. No matter where you look, there's not a decent character in the bunch, and that proves fatal to the film.

Worse, the laughs are few and far between. Some jokes do land -- courtesy of Cleaver, usually -- but the more elaborate set-pieces are flaccid (e.g., Cleaver's ill-advised hook-up with a drunk girl, Miles finding out that the girl he's in the middle of fornicating with lied about her real name and begrudgingly continues thrusting -- har! har!).

Finally, if you're looking for nudity and sleaze, look elsewhere; all you'll find is a fleeting nipple shot and end-credits insertion of a series of anonymous breasts, added because of distributor pressure, which is actually sort of funny.

PIGS is a decent DVD. The 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen presentation is strong and clean-looking, supported by a 5.1 Dolby Digital surround audio mix. For extras: Director Karl Dipelino, producer Chris Ragonetti and actor Jefferson Brown and Darryn Lucio contribute a lively commentary, a handful of deleted scenes, uncensored auditions (read: breasts), some brief on-set clowning around, an even briefer behind-the-scenes, outtakes and trailers.

Closing Statement

Sporadically funny, yet creepy and devoid of heart, PIGS left me cold and bothered.

The Verdict

Back to the trough.

Review content copyright © 2007 David Johnson; Site layout and review format copyright © 1998 - 2016 HipClick Designs LLC

Scales of Justice
Video: 90
Audio: 85
Extras: 80
Acting: 60
Story: 70
Judgment: 62

Perp Profile
Studio: Th!nkFilm
Video Formats:
* 2.35:1 Anamorphic

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)

* Spanish

Running Time: 85 Minutes
Release Year: 2007
MPAA Rating: Rated R

Distinguishing Marks
* Commentary
* Behind the Scenes
* Making-of Feature
* Deleted Scenes
* Outtakes
* Uncensored Auditions

* IMDb