Case Number 08948: Small Claims Court

THE SIMPSONS: KISS AND TELL

Fox // 2005 // 88 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Dennis Prince (Retired) // March 29th, 2006

The Charge

It's a Valentine's Day treat for all you lovers of leftover indulgences.

The Case

Well, as the DVD medium has become so accessible and relatively affordable (though still inexcusably marked up when comparing retail prices to manufacturing costs), studios are crafting holiday-themed titles faster than Hallmark can churn out their own drippy sentimentalities. Unfortunately, this trend afflicts some of the better offerings in the TV-on-DVD market as The Simpsons has been flagrantly exploited in nearly every manner of digital double-dipping (and triple and quadruple and so on). While the complete season boxed sets are to be applauded and gleefully snapped up on street date, these themed rehash discs hold little value to anyone except the casual viewer, the infrequent renter, and -- alas -- the incurable completist. For better or for worse, such is the case with The Simpsons Kiss and Tell -- The Story of Their Love.

This new disc from Fox Home Entertainment features four episodes that loosely tie together to celebrate love and marriage, Simpsons style. Here's what you'll find on this disc:

* "Natural Born Kissers"
On the night of their anniversary, Homer and Marge feel awkwardly compelled to consummate the...you know...love thing but fear the burning fires of their physical attraction may have gone out. Nearly resigned to admit the passion has died, the two find a kinky new angle that sparks their fancies -- getting jiggy with it in public places. However, when they dare to do the naked pretzel in the windmill at the local miniature golf course, Homer and Marge take it on the lam -- au naturel -- before the townsfolk of Springfield can identify them by their distinguishing features.

* "Large Marge"
Marge reluctantly agrees to have a bit of liposuction performed and is appalled when she awakes from her anesthetic to find the plastic surgeon botched the job -- he gave her an unplanned breast enhancement. Her third boob, Homer, loves the result and Marge finds she is suddenly more influential among the men of Springfield. Will Marge trade up her usual moral rightness in exchange for these two perky new "girls?"

* "Three Gays of the Condo"
Homer discovers an old note in which Marge had indicated her plans to dump her man prior to their marriage. Convinced she only took his hand due to her pregnancy with Bart, Homer moves out and winds up sharing an apartment with two gay men. As Marge toils to convince Homer to come home, the affable oaf finds a certain comfort in his impeccable new living quarters, stylish new attire, and perhaps even the overtures of one of his roomies.

* "The Way We Weren't"
There's more marital trouble under the Simpson roof as Marge and Homer flashback to their first kiss. Hurt feelings are rehashed and unhealed emotional wounds are reopened when Marge recounts that her first kiss occurred at summer camp with an unnamed boy who ultimately stood her up and for which she has never forgiven him. Who was that unknown boy? One guess...

As is to be expected from The Simpsons, each episode is genuinely fresh and funny and these four are no exception. The tinge of staleness, however, sets in when otherwise excellent episodes are peddled in this sort of re-run manner. If you don't watch The Simpsons often, either as currently broadcast or as part of boxed DVD sets you may already own, then this disc may be worth a look to you. Otherwise, it's really difficult to recommend a purchase here as this sort of "best of" compilation is of little replay value. Technically, each transfer looks great, just as you would expect, rendered in original 1.33:1 aspect ratio and sporting a Dolby Digital 2.0 audio track that's more than adequate. As for extras, the only thing that might entice you to double-dip here is an animatic sequence for "The Way We Weren't."

Again, while there's nothing inherently inadequate about the actual content on this disc, it seems like yet another box of leftover chocolates when presented in this Valentines-themed offering.

"Mmmmm...nougats."

Scales of Justice
Judgment: 85

Perp Profile
Studio: Fox
Video Formats:
* Full Frame

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround (English)
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround (French)
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround (Spanish)

Subtitles:
* English
* Spanish

Running Time: 88 Minutes
Release Year: 2005
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks
* Animatics sequence

Accomplices
* IMDb
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0427900/combined

* Official Site
http://www.thesimpsons.com/

* The Simpsons Archive
http://www.snpp.com/