Life Size Entertainment // 2004 // 97 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Mitchell Hattaway (Retired) // January 14th, 2006
Beats of love...beats everything.
Steve (Titus De Voodgt) is a small-time thief and Ecstasy dealer. Sky (Delfine Bafort) is a statuesque blonde who is working as a prostitute in order to pay off her junkie boyfriend's legal bills. Steve and Sky meet in a bowling alley. They fall in love. They wander aimlessly around Antwerp. They have sex. Steve helps his disabled friend Jean-Claude (Johan Heldenbergh) open the world's skankiest nudie bar. Sky helps Jean-Claude's teenage daughter get laid. Steve and Sky fight. They make up. The end.
Steve + Sky is a boring, pretentious waste of time. Much like its central characters, the movie is slow and aimless. I guess there is a moral to the story, but I am unclear as to what it is. Was I supposed to walk away thinking that life can be cruel? Gee, that's deep. (Never mind that both Steve and Sky have chosen their own fates.) Was I supposed to realize that there really is someone for everyone, regardless of how screwed up a person is? Wow, never heard that one before. (Of course Steve and Sky belong together; no one else will have them. Hell, Sky's boyfriend assaults her when he finds out she's hooking. Yeah, the guy is a junkie, but he's a junkie with principles.) Is the film a warning that hiring damned ugly women to work in your nudie bar will result in such a staggering loss of income that repo men will show up and haul away your possessions? (You should see the club Jean-Claude runs; it's staffed by the best crack whores and meth addicts money can buy.) Honestly, though, I don't know what the point of this movie is and I don't really care to know. I'm just glad it's over.
The transfer on this disc is as ugly and unappealing as the women in Jean-Claude's club. I think this is quite possibly the worst video quality I have ever seen on a DVD; it looks a tenth generation VHS dupe of an old '70s porn flick. Colors either bleed like mad or are washed-out, and the amount of grain in the picture is staggering. The audio fares slightly better, but not much. The track is hollow, flat, and tinny. It is purportedly a stereo mix, but in reality it is a two-channel mono track; there is no channel separation whatsoever (not even in the music). The packaging indicates that the film's theatrical trailer has been included as a bonus feature, but there are absolutely zero extras on this release.
Steve + Sky was the first movie I watched in 2006. There's a very good chance it will be the worst movie I watch in 2006.
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Scales of Justice
Judgment: 30
Perp Profile
Studio: Life Size Entertainment
Video Formats:
* 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (Dutch)
Subtitles:
* English
Running Time: 97 Minutes
Release Year: 2004
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
Distinguishing Marks
* None
Accomplices
* IMDb
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0399692/combined
* Official Site
http://www.steveandsky.com