Case Number 17567: Small Claims Court


Funimation // 2004 // 200 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Steve Power (Retired) // October 26th, 2009

The Charge

You won't believe what you're seeing.

The Case

In a standard review, this is typically where the reviewer would explain some of the nuances of the plot. In the case of UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie, this is a challenging proposition. There's something about a princess from outer space who's stuck as an 8 year-old until her teenage boyfriend kisses her and turns her into a nubile tween with gigantic...ahmm...well, you know. The transformation sequence is, of course, fully animated, with little left to the imagination. Beyond that, there's a small army of cat-people -- often referred to as "furries" by the anime "crowd" -- and several other space princesses who are all big-breasted. There's also the aforementioned male teen who runs a bath-house (isn't that convenient with all of these big-breasted girls running about), and on at least one occasion there's a green-haired teacher with a fetish for oversized spectacles. Yes, she also has big breasts.

To go into any more detail than that is unnecessary. Suffice to say, this is anime and it is wacky stuff. The humor is dry, the characters are vapid, and there are a lot of close ups of certain areas of the female body. There's a slightly perverted undercurrent that permeates the proceedings, reassuring us that...yes, sometimes Japanese culture is still very disconcerting to us Gaijin. It's sort of like Sailor Moon on Viagra, though I doubt it's going to stimulate any part of your body other than the area of your brain that regulates sanity.

This is the sort of show that justifies the typically dismissive response of anime to the uninitiated. Representative of all that is deplorable and downright stupid in the genre, I can't recommend this to anyone who chooses to protect their own mental well-being. That said, I'm sure there are more than a few people out there who dig on this sort of thing. I can't say they'll be disappointed with UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie: Seasons 3 & 4, though there are no sex-starved demons or purple tentacles to be you may be disappointed as well, you wierdos.

Funimation once again pulls through with a sharp, clear transfer that captures all the vibrant colors of the show and it looks darn good. The stereo audio is fine, and the dub (originally handled by ADV) is surprisingly good for this kind of show. Extras are non-existent, save for the usual textless opening/closing.

The Verdict

Make it stop. Please make it stop!

Review content copyright © 2009 Steve Power; Site layout and review format copyright © 1998 - 2016 HipClick Designs LLC

Scales of Justice
Judgment: 25

Perp Profile
Studio: Funimation
Video Formats:
* Full Frame

Audio Formats:
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (Japanese)

* English

Running Time: 200 Minutes
Release Year: 2004
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Distinguishing Marks
* Textless Open/Close

* Official Site (Japanese)