Hen's Tooth Video // 1993 // 95 Minutes // Rated R
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // March 26th, 2010
Out of the ring, into the fire...in a fight to the finish!
The ultimate showdown is about to explode and your pitiful little brain won't be able to take it. I promise you that.
The insanity starts right away, when we meet young Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock, Rage and Honor), a plucky martial artist who has taken to the underground fighting circuit to earn money for her sister's college tuition. Her exploits garner the attention of Nick DiMarco, a badass detective with his own karate arsenal and a burning desire to get at-risk youth into college.
A post-secondary education will prove to be the least of her concerns. A series of unfortunate circumstances introduces her to Stingray (Don Niam), a psycho kung fu specialist who flies off the deep end, when his wife leaves him, and he embarks on a horrifying killing spree, which of course means "he ties up half-naked girls with chains and poses in front of them with a katana." Now Nick, Kristi, Kristi's lame street gang pals, a professor of abnormal psychology, and Nick's completely useless detective partner will team up to take down the unstoppable mullet-headed force.
Perhaps in your various Internet adventures, you've come across a video labeled "best fight scene ever" or something like that. It features two dumbasses grunting and punching each other in slow motion and ends with one of the guys getting his eye impaled on a hook. It's a truly awful display of martial arts choreography and wannabe Alpha male cockiness -- and it's the capper to Undefeatable, a film that's every bit as brain-stabbingly brutal as something with the name Undefeatable would imply.
Yet I am compelled to embrace it. The uncompromising ineptitude that permeates the film from start to finish is pretty much unrivaled in the world of low-budget martial arts filmmaking, and that includes incoherent crap like Drunken Dragon, where a guy fights a monk in a kung fu rowboat.
But no matter. Quality filmmaking, competent line delivery, action scenes that don't embarrass everyone from the actors to the key grip -- none of these elements are present in Undefeatable. You know what is present? Stingray. And that's all you need.
Look, there's very little I can write here to properly transmit the simultaneous awfulness/awesomeness of Undefeatable. However, I was able to track down these highly sought-after trading cards based on the film. Enjoy!
Unfortunately, the DVD treatment of this legendary experience fails to live up to the glory of the feature. The 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen is okay, but that's all you're getting.
Whenever I type this movie's title, I get the squiggly red line. There's a metaphor in there somewhere for the overall experience.
Guilty of committing crimes against humanity...and being awesome.
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Scales of Justice
Studio: Hen's Tooth Video
* 1.78:1 Anamorphic
* Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Release Year: 1993
MPAA Rating: Rated R
* Video: Best Fight Scene Ever