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Case Number 25913: Small Claims Court

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American Idiots

Lionsgate // 2013 // 92 Minutes // Rated R
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // July 3rd, 2013

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson is an idiot. He asked to review this turd.

The Charge

Get ready for the ultimate road trip.

The Case

This is the best I can do for a synopsis: Some loser has fallen in love with a girl way out of his league and asks his distressingly horny best friend to accompany him on a cross-country road trip in an RV to stop her wedding. A couple of girls and a creepy middle-aged man join up and from that point on it's poop jokes and silence.

The silence will be from you. And it will be the purest of silence, as you watch, steel-faced and disinterested, as the slow-motion trash-barge-wreck unfolds and try as they might, the hapless clowns on the screen desperately try to wring out a laugh—any laugh at all—from the bilge that was put on the page.

American Idiots is one of the worst things I've ever had to watch. Now, I'm not so wide-eyed and naïve to expect some no-name direct-to-DVD comedy was going to blow me away or anything, but is it too much to ask the morons behind this abomination to not have so much contempt their audience?

Apparently it is, because this crap is heinous.

Look no further than the first scene: shots of faceless topless women parading around a locker room, while some guy stares lustfully, nursing a prosthetic erection. The real gag comes when the female coach shoos him away, and then—Are you ready for it?—stares in and starts rubbing her withered breast. Not only is it hilarious because of the penis joke and the lesbian gym teacher joke, but it also fulfills the mandate nudity threshold for a "sex comedy."

American Idiots is, of course, not even close to hilarious. That pathetic, unfunny sequence just sets the table for the misery to follow. In fact, it might even be the high point, since it's at least coherent. The remainder of the film is borderline nonsensical.

Or maybe they just turned the cameras on and hoped for the best? Either is possible. The only thing not possible: that you will refrain from the urge of taking this DVD and burying it in your front yard.

The DVD: Standard def 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, Dolby 5.1 Surround, English CC and Spanish subitles, and one making-of featurette.5

The Verdict

I hate you.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 30

Perp Profile

Studio: Lionsgate
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• English (CC)
• Spanish
Running Time: 92 Minutes
Release Year: 2013
MPAA Rating: Rated R
Genres:
• Bad
• Comedy
• Romance
• Romantic Comedies

Distinguishing Marks

• Featurette

Accomplices

• IMDb








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