All Rise...

Judge David Johnson rescued a Pomeranian from a flaming car wreck. The two are friends to this day.

The Charge

"What, Timmy? Lassie fell down the old well? Let's go!"

The Case

This best-of discs features dog rescues culled from the television show Animal Rescue, hosted by Alex Paen. Animal Rescues ran from 1997 to 2005 and—here's some trivia for you—received an Emmy nomination in 2004 and 2005. The series tracked the heroic exploits of human rescuers, dispatched to bail out animals in varying degrees of distress. The program, and this disc, is sponsored by IFAW, the international Fund for Animal Welfare.

Okay, what do we have here? Well, there's a bunch of dogs up @#$% creek until the local firefighters arrive, and that's pretty much it. Dogs stuck in pipes. Dogs stuck in shafts. Dogs stuck between rocks. Dogs stuck on rocks in the middle of raging rapids. Dogs stuck in icy ponds. Lots and lots and lots of dogs stuck in lots and lots of things. Sixty minutes worth.

Sound interesting to you? Well, go with God and secure this disc immediately. The program features actual footage of the rescues, usually taken from amateur video, and flanked by interviews with the rescuers. You can expect stuff like "At first we weren't sure what to do. Rex was wedged pretty tight in that pipe. But Paulie had a good idea. He thought we should coat the dog in Country Crock, then tie his leash to the bumper of my Durango and give it the gas. And wouldn't you know, it worked!" set to wannabe dramatic music. Tying all of these nail-biting adventures together is host Alex Paen who really loves animals.

What else do you want to know? I've got nothing. If you enjoy watching humans save animals from slow, torturous deaths, this is the DVD for you. Sound and picture quality are pretty piss-poor, but I don't think home theatre enthusiasts are the intended demographic for this release. Previews and a promo for IFAW is it for extras.

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