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Case Number 09191

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Bachelor Party Vegas

Sony // 2006 // 95 Minutes // Rated R
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // May 5th, 2006

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson had his bachelor party on the moon. Man, that was one @#$%ed up night.

The Charge

This is one weekend they will never forget!

Opening Statement

That dude from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (Kal Penn) stars in this frat-boys-revel-in-debauchery comedy detailing the exploits of some truly unlikable characters in Las Vegas, as they send one of their own (Jonathan Bennett) off to be married. What unfolds sucks moose testes.

Facts of the Case

Five best friends (Penn, Bennett, Donald Faison, Charlie Talbert, Aaron Himesltein) head off to Las Vegas to enjoy the greatest bachelor party ever. They've bound themselves to the "commandments" of bachelor party brotherhood, which mandate rules like never telling anyone about the party, engaging solely in drunken, sex-saturated activities, and some others that I forgot.

They land in Vegas, and, after a brief layover in a mobile stripper bus and a stop at a paintball range where you hunt scantily clad blonde women, they land at their hotel and hook up with the bachelor party planner (Vincent Pastore, The Sopranos). Flush with casino chips, the guys start gambling—and that's when the trouble hits.

They're hauled into the back room and accused of fraud and theft by the casino's fiery boss. Panicking, they bolt off and the adventure begins: overweight, drunk girls insulting the size of their privates, a visit to a porno set which leads to a confrontation with UFC fighter Chuck Liddell, finding a bag full of money in a sewer, meeting a she-Elvis spaghetti wrestler (Kathy Griffin), and, finally, having a handful of Breakfast Club bonding moments.

The Evidence

First of all, what a lame title. Okay, next, this movie's not funny. And all the characters annoy me. And it's predictable. Also, it's not nearly as edgy and raunchy as it wants to be. Plus it's cheesy and derivative. Oh, and I didn't like this movie.

Bachelor Party Vegas is a laugh-free succession of desperately-wants-to-be-as-outrageous-as-American Pie comedy set pieces and buddy film clichés. On top of that, there's a major twist in the film that the entire narrative is based on—and you'll be able to call it from 20 miles away, thereby sapping away any and all dramatic thrust. Seriously though, this is a movie where a couple of guys get a lap dance from a fat, topless man so the words "dramatic thrust" have no business being a part of this review.

Now, without further ado:

A List of Stuff that Bugged the Crap Out of Me from Bachelor Party Vegas and Contributed to My Strong Dislike Toward the Movie

• Sex Jokes That Fall Flat
Oh, these guys tried their darndest to be raunchy and offensive, but all of the risqué humor died on the table. You've got dildo gags, Lin Shaye pole-dancing, some half-naked, turbine-chested faux porn stars talking dirty, Kal Penn documenting his masturbation stats, that erotic fat dude, and an embarrassing incident on the plane when one of the guys boasts about joining the "mile high club"—all by himself. Okay, that last one was marginally funny, but the rest flopped.

• C-List Celebs
Namely, Jaime Pressly, Kathy Griffin, and Chuck Liddell. Pressly shows up as herself in an airport where the guys drool all over her and the joke goes nowhere. Griffin, one of the more supremely annoying sorta-celebrities, appears as a she-Elvis impersonator who wrestles in spaghetti (?). Liddell does little more than ride on his motorcycle and snarl. Self-referential, pretentious, and, worse, unfunny.

• Shoe-horned Serious Scenes
Amidst all the talk of jerking off, the filmmakers managed to pound in some good solid messaging about the value of friendship and loyalty. Witness the scene where the fellas gather around during a quiet moment in their misadventure and talk about their feelings and how they all try to be something they're not and yada yada yada. Goofier is the ludicrous feel-good final scene (that you will foresee) that logically falls apart if given nine consecutive seconds of scrutiny.

Bachelor Party Vegas is a predictable, half-baked raunchfest that lacks any substantial laughs. Heck, it's not even that raunchy; the "sexual content" warning in the rating box is largely due to the cringe-worthy dialogue. I've got nothing nice to say about this dumbass movie.

Straightforward DVD presentation: 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen and 5.1 Dolby Digital surround are both more-than-adequate. Zero special features is not.

Closing Statement

As tepid and uninspiring as its forgettable title suggests, Bachelor Party Vegas offers a laugh-starved, unoriginal viewing experience from start to finish.

The Verdict

Guilty. Go suck on a jumbo shrimp.

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Scales of Justice

Video: 85
Audio: 85
Extras: 50
Acting: 70
Story: 45
Judgment: 50

Perp Profile

Studio: Sony
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• English
• French
Running Time: 95 Minutes
Release Year: 2006
MPAA Rating: Rated R
Genre:
• Comedy

Distinguishing Marks

• Previews

Accomplices

• IMDb








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