Can you feel the burn? That's because Judge Clark Douglas lit your shoes on fire.
Our review of Lisa Rinna Dance Body Beautiful: Jive, Jump, Ballroom Bump, published January 16th, 2009, is also available.
The workout that transformed her body!
If there's one genre I am getting sick and tired of, it's the dance movie genre. Hot on the heels of Take the Lead and How She Move is Lisa Rinna—Dance Body Beautiful: Ballroom Learn and Burn. As usual, the level of acting talent is sub-par at best. The star of this "film" is Lisa Rinna, best known for her roles on shows like Melrose Place and Days of Our Lives. If Rinna's career wasn't all ready over, surely this film would bring a quick end to it. I would go so far as to call Ballroom Learn and Burn the Heaven's Gate of dance movies, but it's really worse than that. The plot is as thin as they come. A woman (played by Rinna) stands in the room and teaches off-screen students how to perform dances that simultaneously serve as good exercise. This plot doesn't develop in any way whatsoever. Rinna offers lessons on four dances: "Super Rumba Burn," "Fat-Free Hustle," "Paso Doble Matador Burn," and "Quick-Step Power Shred." Each of these predictable and mundane dance routines are handled in the same dull way. Rinna starts out slow, progressively gets faster, and then moves on the next dance.
Oh, and the dialogue in this film. Absolutely awful. As if we needed yet another film about achieving anything if you follow your dreams. Throughout the film, Rinna shouts various cinematic clichés at her invisible students. "You can do it!" "Yeah, that's it, way to go!" "Keep going, we're almost there!" At times she even offers embarassingly unconvincing statements of empathy: "Oh yeah, it's hurting me too, but we're almost at the end…keep going, we'll get there together!" There are moments when the writer literally seems to run out of things to say, and simply resorts to having the lead character repeat the phrase "Cha Cha Cha" over and over. There are other supporting characters in the film. Five back-up dancers support Rinna and add some flair to the proceedings, but why are they so poorly-developed? We aren't given information on any of them, and none of these characters are granted any dialogue whatsoever. They just dance mindlessly, proudly demonstrating their one-dimensionality.
Good gracious, the music…it sounds just awful. Simplistic dance beats that sound as if they were taken straight from a public domain audio clip library. No imagination whatsoever, no musical development, just the same droning beats. Costume and set design is low-budget to say the least, failing to fully immerse the viewer in…
Wait, what's that? This is just a workout video? Not an actual film?
Well, I guess it's okay, then.
Um, seriously, Lisa Rinna was on Dancing to the Stars not too long
ago, and is capitalizing on her 15 minutes of newfound fame by starring in some
dance workout DVDs. This disc is okay, but even as someone who hasn't watched
too many workout videos, I can tell you that this one is a bit more amateurish
and less effective than similarly-themed videos. Fans of Rinna might enjoy
getting to spend an hour dancing with the actress/reality television has-been,
but those of you looking for a workout that is simultaneously entertaining and
effective could probably do a whole lot better. Video quality is quite solid,
for those of you interested in getting a good look at Rinna's thighs. Audio is
underwhelming but gets the job done. This one feels like a somewhat gimmicky
waste of time. I'm quite positive that there are better ways to get those
rock-hard dancer abs. Guilty, but keep in mind that the verdict is coming from a
judge who actually sat down and ate ice cream while watching this disc.
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