All Rise...

Judge David Johnson has fond memories of his after-school job at the bikini car wash.

The Charge

Caution: Slippery when slashed

The Case

So I guess we're dealing with a franchise, huh? Terrific.

The first Bikini Bloodbath wasn't horrible. It was cheap and corny, sure, but it featured a nice, humorous touch and delivered on what it promised—that would be bikinis and blood. So I gave it a positive review. And now we have the follow-up, and I'm thinking my goodwill has dried up. Bikini Bloodbath Carwash employs the same play-by-play as its predecessor, with a few twists, a lot less nudity, below-average gore and an excruciating dearth of wit.

Or maybe my movie tastes have evolved drastically since I had watched the first film.

Nah, this movie kind of sucks.

Last time, our bosomy protagonists were volleyball players, coached by Debbie Rochon. This go-round, Rochon is Miss Smith, the demanding owner of a bikini carwash. The girls, led by Jenny (Rachael Robbins) split their time between lathering up cars in their skivvies and avoiding the clumsy advances of the men of Community College University (all of whom are clad with shirts that say "College Student," a recurring gag in the franchise—ugh, still got to get used to saying that).

One night, during a sleepover, the girls throw down a séance and inadvertently raise the spirit of Chef Death, the Big Bad from the last movie, a bulbous, decaying cook with a boner for murdering people with kitchen utensils. The girls, the guys and Miss Smith must repel the deadly assault of Chef Death.

That's it. Seventy-two minutes later, the credits roll over some eye-ripping rock music. I'll break it down into more details, but the short of it was already covered in the fourth paragraph.

• The Gore
Mixed. A few scenes are charmingly cheap, with fake guts and prosthetics and some free-flowing Karo syrup with red food coloring and even a smidgen of cannibalism. But there are also some really, really lame kills, a few involving cheap CGI.

• The Humor
This was definitely written by, to use the vernacular, "geeks." You have references to G.I. Joe and Aliens. And there's a lot of swearing. None of it is particularly amusing. The funniest part is when a guy gets hits in the crotch with a ball. What does that tell you?

• The T&A
This is likely to disappoint the majority of you who'd be looking to give this a gander. There are three brief nude scenes and a whole lot of bikini-clad women who don't look college-aged washing cars, and that's it.

Look, I know what the filmmakers want to do—put together campy, brainless fun. In fact, that's what it says on the back of the DVD case: "This campy splatterfest is 100 percent pure brainless fun." I'm just not feeling it this time around, fellas. Sorry.

You have two video choices, full frame and 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, with 2.0 stereo backing them both. It's low-budget of course, but the digital picture looks fine. Extras: bloopers, behind-the-scenes, interviews and a photo gallery; it's a decent selection actually.

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