Judge David Johnson sits back down with an old friend.
A return interview with one of cinema's most prolific performers.
With the release of Retromedia's Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros, DVD Verdict arranged to have a sit-down interview with one of the film's stars, arguably the hardest-working professional in the genre of straight-to-DVD titillation: the Communicable Disease.
Verdict: Welcome back CD, it's always great to talk with you.
Communicable Disease: I'm glad to be back!
Verdict: I have to say, you're looking pretty good.
Communicable Disease: Thanks!
Verdict: And that's saying something, considering you exist on a cellular level.
Communicable Disease: Well, that's what a commitment to fitness and healthy eating will do for you.
Verdict: No doubt. I can clearly see the tone and definition in your protein coat.
Communicable Disease: I have to stay fit, especially in this industry and in this economy. What director is going to hire me if I can't pull my weight on a shoot?
Verdict: I take it then you've been able to keep busy in this challenging climate?
Communicable Disease: Yes, yes I have. Business is good and that's a relief. Like everyone else, I have a mortgage. I have credit card payments. I have crippling gambling debts.
Verdict: Before we get into your work on Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros, what other productions have you been involved in this year?
Communicable Disease: Wow, so much. Um, there was Bikini Trek, Sense and Bikinibility, No Bikini for Old Men, and Bikini Potter and the Chamber of Genitals.
Verdict: That, my friend, is a full plate. So talk to me a little about your experience with Bikini Jones.
Communicable Disease: Oh, it was a great time. But a whole lot of work. In fact, I don't think I've ever worked so hard in my life—and with so many people!
Verdict: You're not kidding. Have you ever had that much screen time with all those different cast members?
Communicable Disease: Not since The Last Temptation of the Bikini. I was working so hard and so often in this movie, I came seriously close to violating the terms of my Guild of Viral Performers contract.
Verdict: That sounds accurate, judging from the footage I've seen. So what's the movie about?
Communicable Disease: Hmmmm. What do you think the movie's about?
Verdict: I asked you first.
Communicable Disease: Okay, you're kind of putting me on the spot here. Let's see, there's Bikini Jones and she finds the idol and I guess it has a map on it to some treasure and an evil space queen wants it and…honestly that's the best I can do.
Verdict: I'm impressed! That's the most coherent description of the story I've heard.
Communicable Disease: Well, I caught the off-Broadway play the movie was based on.
Verdict: Talk to me about your co-star, Christine Nguyen.
Communicable Disease: She's such a warm person, both figuratively and literally.
Verdict: You had a lot of scenes with her. A lot. Was there any awkwardness between you two?
Communicable Disease: No way. Our performances were comfortable and complementary. Besides, it helped that she had worked with a lot of my family members over the years.
Verdict: Any close calls?
Communicable Disease: Heh, you read the piece in Variety, too? That incident was wildly overblown. Any shower scene has its challenges for a performer like me, of course. It's never fun to be around soapy water. But I do what the director asks of me.
Verdict: Good work pulling yourself together for the subsequent scenes in the doctor's office, the living room, the office, and the futuristic dome lounge.
Communicable Disease: Thanks.
Verdict: What do you have coming up?
Communicable Disease: I'm actually going to take a break from films for a while to write my memoirs.
Verdict: Cool. Got a title yet?
Communicable Disease: "Crotch Times."
Guilty, but a shot of penicillin should clear that right up.
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