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Case Number 18944: Small Claims Court

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Bikini Royale 2: The Right To Bare All

Infinity Entertainment // 2009 // 81 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge William Lee (Retired) // May 21st, 2010

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All Rise...

Judge William Lee appreciates a spy movie villain who enjoys holding a white pussy.

The Charge

The girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. is back on her back again.

The Case

Beverly Lynne reprises the role of Tanya X, agent of BIKINI (Bureau of International Knowledge and Intelligence and Nonstandard Investigations), in Bikini Royale 2: The Right to Bare All. The movie has nothing to do with amendments to the U.S. Constitution and there's not a bikini to be seen. It does feature lots of soft-core sex scenes that will hold the attention of its target audience during this spy-themed late night offering.

Fred Olen Ray Bikini Jones And The Temple Of Eros has been making low-budget feature films since 1978. His output includes works in the sci-fi, horror, action and even family film genres. Like his other soft-core sex films, Bikini Royale 2: The Right to Bare All is directed under the pseudonym Nicholas Medina. A regular in Ray's current stable of actors, Beverly Lynne is a former NFL cheerleader turned "Queen of Late Night" actress and admittedly a germaphobe. Curiously, at the time of writing this review, Bikini Royale 2 lacks an IMDb entry and is missing from the filmographies of both Ray and Lynne.

On the trail of some sort of spy happenings, agent Tanya X is assigned to infiltrate Madame Zola's House of Tarts. It appears enemy operatives are trading coded messages or microchips through the bordello, so Tanya is going undercover as their newest sex worker. Spying, double-crosses and sex ensues.

There's only one real reason to watch products of this genre, and that's to see some naked female bodies. In that respect, Bikini Royale 2 doesn't disappoint. However, it also displays a surprisingly polished level of filmmaking that sets it apart (if just slightly) from the typical entries in this genre. The sets don't look dirt-cheap and attention is paid to art direction. The lighting is consistently pleasing, which matters a great deal. The performances (with one exception) are uniformly competent, and I don't mean that as a slight. The acting here is much better than the material deserves. One criticism of the casting is that the body types and hair styles are too similar in some cases. It makes it hard to tell actors apart once their costumes are removed, as is the case with the scene between Tanya and Madame Zola (Brandin Rackley).

Beverly Lynne has a joyous and playful presence as the movie's heroine. Instead of the hard-edged vamp or the ditzy bimbo characters that regularly crop up in these films, Tanya X is genuinely fun and sexy. Lynne isn't afraid to look a little silly and she wouldn't be out of place in a mediocre mainstream TV sitcom. She puts the right amount of energy into her sex scenes and in one variation, while engaged in bedroom action with a rival CIA agent, she elicits a laugh with her bored response to the mechanical routine. It's also refreshing to see an actress in this genre who isn't sporting boobs that provide their own 3-D projection (according to Lynne's website, her hair color and breasts are natural).

The story is barely there and the script is filled with groan-inducing bad jokes but it's a good effort at maintaining a light comedic tone. It helps that the other actors fill the shoes of their characters adequately without resorting to ironic portrayals of stock spy movie personas. The one exception among the good cast is an odd performance by Sam Silver (a.k.a. producer Dan Golden) as Tanya's boss Mr. Shayne. He delivers his lines like a soulless used car salesman recording a radio advertisement. Combine that with some patronizing dialogue and it's a little creepy to hear him repeatedly say "That's my girl" in approval of his agent's progress. Lynne finds the right mix of professionalism and sweetness for her role. Tanya accepts what she must do for Uncle Sam and neither resents nor craves having sex as part of her job. That relatively positive angle on her work is undermined by Shayne's constant effort to remind us that she's a slut, a dirty slut. For example, Shayne's advice in the event that she is captured: "Tanya, you've been in tough spots before. Do what you always do. Put out like a shop-worn whore. It's never failed in the past." Mercifully, Shayne keeps his clothes on through the entire movie.

The DVD has a pleasingly bright and clean image. The picture looks very good with decent sharpness, natural skin tones and strong colors. The stereo audio works fine and dialogue is clearly heard. The repetitive use of a ripped-off version of the Bond theme gets tiresome rather quickly though.

A veteran producer of erotica for late night cable television, Fred Olen Ray has a sure hand with this material. The sex scenes progress through the usual positions but the performers and the cinematography are indeed attractive. The writing is ultimately disposable but the effort at comedy and the actors' sincere and enjoyable servicing of the script will keep fingers off the fast-forward button.

The Verdict

It's slightly better than most self-respecting critics will readily admit, but it's still restricted by the low aspirations of its genre. We have a hung jury.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 66

Perp Profile

Studio: Infinity Entertainment
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
• None
Running Time: 81 Minutes
Release Year: 2009
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
• Comedy
• Erotic
• Espionage

Distinguishing Marks

• Trailer


• Wikipedia: Beverly Lynne

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