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Case Number 12789

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Blonde Ambition

Sony // 2007 // 93 Minutes // Rated PG-13
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // January 22nd, 2008

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All Rise...

When it comes to watching crappy romcoms, Judge David Johnson has zero ambition.

The Charge

Never underestimate a beautiful blonde with big…ambitions.
(Editor's note: the preceding ellipsis inserted into the film's official tagline provided solely by writer and the transparency of this cheap gag made at the expense of Jessica Simpson's breast size no way represents the official positions of DVD Verdict and its subsidiaries.)

Opening Statement

After making a brief appearance on less than a dozen theater screens in the great state of Texas, this insipid Jessica Simpson vehicle hits DVD square in the face and you'd be wise to steer your significant other far, far away from the "B" section of your local movie rental franchise.

Facts of the Case

Katie Gregerstitch (Jessica Simpson, The Dukes of Hazzard) is a simple girl from Oklahoma, working from time to time at the local Piggly-Wiggly, enduring hackneyed advice from her crusty grandfather (Willie Nelson, The Dukes of Hazzard) and nurturing a relationship with her idiot fiancée, who travels to New York to be a famous model.

Hoping to surprise him, Katie drops in unannounced only to find her beau in bed with another woman. Crushed, she plans to head home as soon as possible, but one thing leads to another and she ends up as the personal assistant to a powerful construction magnate. Don't ask.

Anyway, her time at the firm is characterized by the shifty machinations of a VP (Penelope Ann Miller, The Shadow) and her exuberant assistant (Andy Dick, Danny Roane: First Time Director) and the advances of a hapless courier (Luke Wilson, The Royal Tenenbaums).

Wow, sounds like an adventure!

The Evidence

There are few things more terrifying in my life than the prospect of having to sit through this movie again. Blonde Ambition is pure, undiluted mediocrity, pressed firmly into a round shiny plastic disc and excreted from the foul backside of a movie studio that wants you to suffer.

Essentially an extended episode of Ugly Betty, minus the ugliness and humor—and I don't even think Ugly Betty is remotely funny. That should give you and idea of how starved of wit Blonde Ambition is.

Look, I can get on board a lightweight, fun saga about a country girl plopped into a big city, sure, but…well, I guess I couldn't get on board with that because it's a tired and tedious concept that's been relentless milked over the years, but if by some miracle this emaciated conceit could be remanufactured into a moderately clever excursion there's a sound chance I wouldn't want to stab myself in the throat with a meat thermometer.

Alas that's not the case and Blonde Ambition stole 93 minutes away from me and my loved ones.

What annoyed me the most was Jessica Simpson's character. Jessica Simpson herself wasn't horrible, pushing the bubbly schtick like crazy but otherwise not an affront to acting. Unfortunately, she's saddled with an uninteresting, uneven persona that never once elicited a sympathetic reaction from me. One moment Katie is a clueless idiot, snookered into wearing a ridiculous Swiss Miss outfit for Norwegian investors, and the next, formulating a complex plan for saving her boss's job and landing a lucrative development deal. Which is it, people? Is she a moron or real estate genius? Whatever she is, it's dictated by whatever plot contrivance is needed at the moment.

The rest of the cast seems to be in it just for the paycheck. Wilson is doing the thankless boyfriend role that he's built a career on and Penelope Ann Miller and Andy Dick play the bad guys with zero verve and humor.

In closing, stay away from Blonde Ambition. There are smarter comedies of this ilk out there. I personally can't name any, but ask one of the girls you work with. I'm sure they've got some good suggestions.

Video (1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen) and audio (5.1 Dolby Digital) are satisfactory, crisp and clean, respectively. Extras include some throwaway deleted scenes and a ho-hum making-of featurette.

Closing Statement

Derivative and unfunny, Blonde Ambition hates you.

The Verdict

This one is illegally Blonde.

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Scales of Justice

Video: 90
Audio: 90
Extras: 75
Acting: 50
Story: 70
Judgment: 52

Perp Profile

Studio: Sony
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• English
• French
• Spanish
Running Time: 93 Minutes
Release Year: 2007
MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13
Genre:
• Romantic Comedies

Distinguishing Marks

• Deleted Scenes
• Making-of Featurette

Accomplices

• IMDb
• Jessica Simpson's Official Site








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