Ride the next wave of terror!
Bleu cheese takes time to produce its sharp, distinct flavor. It must be given proper time to let the blue mold form and grow, giving it that extra-added flavor you just won't find in other dairy products. Why am I bringing up the history of this cheese? Well, for one I am a semi-native of Wisconsin, one of the best producers of great cheese. For those of you who don't know, Wisconsin is also the only state I know of that has "Bossy Bingo." This game consists of a farmer painting a grid on the field with numbers, then letting gamblers put down bets for each number. After the cow has been fed plenty of grass, the keeper lets him roam around the field. The first number he poops on wins the jackpot.
Lord how I love that state.
However, the other reason I bring up bleu cheese is because it is much like the film Blood Surf, a B-grade flick about a killer crocodile in the vein of Lake Placid. It takes time to make a movie like this. There are many workers who toil away long hours to make such finely aged…well, cheese. Once finished, movies like Blood Surf often have a distinct feel to them, always just a few notches below what would be considered an "A" title. Trimark Pictures makes a break for the beach with the horror film Blood Surf on DVD!
Facts of the Case
When a maverick MTV-like film crew sets sail for a small tropical island to shoot some new footage for a television show, they come face-to-face with their worst nightmare: the evil Pauley Shore!
Okay, so that's not true. They actually run into an Australian saltwater crocodile the size of Texas with the appetite of Andre the Giant. The young filmmakers are on the island to tape two surfers as they hang ten with some hungry sharks (reality TV rears its ugly head once more). After the croc attacks some locals and ruins their only ride off the island, it's up to these good looking mainlanders to get to safety (and of COURSE they're good looking…no ugly people under the age of 30 reside in Hollywood).
Yes, that's the WHOLE set up for Blood Surf.
As if I even need to state that I'm a sucker for these types of movies. I just love the fact that every time Hollywood has a hit movie, a smaller studio rushes into production a cheesier (and sometimes more entertaining version) of the original blockbuster. Anaconda had Python. Deep Blue Sea had Shark Attack. Now Lake Placid has Blood Surf. Just for the record, I'm not stating this as a negative; in fact, far from it. Every action must have an equal (if lesser) reaction, right? If it weren't for movies like Blood Surf, the world would be a much drabber place to live.
Blood Surf makes no apologies about lifting its ideas from other movies. Aside of the Lake Placid idea, there's also a Jaws-like sub story involving a salty captain who sees the croc as his personal "white whale." He's got a grudge and plans on putting the reptile down for good. Blood Surf just wouldn't have been as fun without this small amount of inclusive plagiarizing.
The effects are only mediocre, but for fans of this genre that will be like welcoming home an old friend. I never pick up one of these titles in hopes that I'll see the movie's budget appearing directly on the screen. I look forward to seeing a ghastly beast made out of foam rubber and cheap CGI graphics. Blood Surf did not disappoint in this arena. Though the effects are better than one might expect, there are still many instances where you can practically see the wires and blue screen backgrounds. There were a few shots when the croc looked about as big as a building, yet in the next scene looked to be about the size of a regular crocodile. Was I upset by these careless flubs? Frustrated by this inconsistency? Absolutely not! There's nothing better than the goofy look of computer effects when placed in the right movie. Luckily for the viewer Blood Surf is just such a film.
Of course, like most of these titles there must be something more to lure in the viewer. Okay, so the effects aren't great…what else could make us watch with bated breath? What could possibly keep our eyes peeled to the screen for almost an hour and a half?
T & A!
Yes, Blood Surf includes so much gratuitous T & A that it could have easily shown up on Showtime at 2:00 in the morning. There's a scene where a local islander and one of the surfers bop the big one in a small Jacuzzi-like jungle pool for no reason whatsoever. This scene could have simply been cut down by three or four minutes. Instead, we're treated to such extended wet lovemaking that I felt like I needed a cigarette after they were done.
Blood Surf is presented in what I believe is 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen. The disc is definitely anamorphic, though I couldn't find any information on what the aspect ratio was. Either way the picture was usually clear of any defects, save for some softness in the image. Colors were usually bright, blacks solid. A small amount of edge enhancement was present though nothing too intrusive.
Audio is presented in Dolby Digital 5.1. The mix for Blood Surf is fairly well done, utilizing rear speakers nicely. Overall, it's not the most impressive track, though it fairs much better than most B-grade titles. Dialogue was distortion free with effects and music mixed evenly. English, French, and Spanish subtitles are included.
Blood Surf includes two special features. The first is a collection of bonus footage and outtakes from the shoot. Much of the material is in rough form (including time code) with some shots being silent and some with sync-sound. The second feature uses the multiple angle feature, allowing the viewer to see drawn storyboards in the bottom corner while the film plays.
The Rebuttal Witnesses
Rubber reptiles! Amateurish acting! A loose script!
I have no complaints.
The greatest pleasure I got watching Blood Surf was the fact that it knew exactly what it was. Blood Surf makes no apologies for its gratuitous sex, violence and…more sex. Everyone featured in the film is there to either A.) be eaten by the croc or B.) Pull of her top and show her garbanzos. The disc itself is a decent enough package if you can find it for under fifteen dollars. Long live CROC SCHLOCK!
A good time was had by all. Free off all charges, though slapped with a fine since I couldn't find the damn aspect ratio anywhere…
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