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Case Number 23087: Small Claims Court

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Bratz: Desert Jewelz

Lionsgate // 2011 // 74 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // January 8th, 2012

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson likes to wear hatz. Got a problem with thatz?

Editor's Note

Our reviews of Bratz (published December 16th, 2007), Bratz: Fashion Pixiez (published March 21st, 2007), Bratz: Genie Magic (published May 12th, 2006), Bratz: Good Vibes (published April 10th, 2011), Bratz Kidz: Fairy Tales (published February 27th, 2008), Bratz: Pampered Petz (published October 17th, 2010), Bratz: Super Babyz (published October 24th, 2007), Bratz The Video: Starrin' And Stylin' (published September 16th, 2004), Lil' Bratz: Party Time (published August 20th, 2008), and Livin' It Up! With The Bratz (published August 25th, 2006) are also available.

The Charge

Join the Bratz in this magical quest filled with mystery, friendship, and fashion.

The Case

I do not like these characters. I consider them the worst possible role models for any young female, save for maybe Kim Kardashian or Evil Lyn. They're animated with impossible physical features and their attitudes/personalities are whiny, entitled, and superficial. For cripes sakes, they're called Bratz! That's all you need to know. They embrace being a-holes and pluralize their name with a "z." Intolerable.

However, while continuing that godforsaken pluralizing, Bratz: Desert Jewelz tones down the usually detestable girlie cabal a bit, focusing instead on a lightweight Arabian adventure featuring a genie, a family secret, a dirtbag archaeologist, and (of course) a fashion show.

The Bratz are: Yasmin, Cloe, Sasha, and Jade. Meeting up with their exotic new pal Katia, the girlz hold a fashion show in the guts of the Middle East. It's never that easy and soon our heroines soon find themselves sucked into a quest to track down a magic lamp. Turns out the genie may be of blood relation to Katia. But before they can rescue the genie from an eternity of servitude and bondage, they'll have to outwit a witless adventurer who wants to the genie to do his bidding.

This is standard-issue plot claptrap, refreshingly devoid of much of the eye-punchingly awful stuff that has characterized other Bratz adventures: walking around a mall, talking about their awesome new clothes, and genuinely acting uncomfortably slutty. Not a lot goes on in Bratz: Desert Jewelz, as the girlz pretty much wander the desert for most of the runtime, but I'll take it over the alternative.

The specs: standard definition 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, Dolby 2.0 stereo, a bonus Bratz episode called the "The Chronicles of Karma," an odd stop-motion short, and behind-the-scenes featurettes for two Bratz commercials.

The Verdict

The de-emphasis on shallowness is appreciated, but Bratz: Desert Jewelz is still pretty boring. Maybe the intended audience will think otherwise.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 70

Perp Profile

Studio: Lionsgate
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
• English (CC)
Running Time: 74 Minutes
Release Year: 2011
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
• All Ages
• Animation
• Comedy
• Television

Distinguishing Marks

• Featurettes
• Bonus Episode
• Bonus Short


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