All Rise...

Judge David Johnson is a top snowboarder. No, that's a lie. He sucks.

The Charge

In the crowded field of snowboard slacker comedies, can this effort stand atop the mountain?

The Case

No. It' can't.

But before we get into that, here's what we're looking at. A group of fun-loving snowboard promoters head to the slopes to film a killer video featuring their A-1 stud shredder. Convinced they've punched their golden ticket, Team Max Shred, led by Max (Dave Englund, Jackass), is oblivious to the predatory approaches by rival promoter Kingsley (Tom Green, Freddy Got Fingered), who's seeking to rehab his battered reputation.

Chris, the aforementioned downhill phenom, finds that the world of competitive snowboard slinging is rife with petty jealousy, industrial espionage and the seductive wiles of a gorgeous blonde PR rep who may or may nor be using her irresistible sexuality to poison Chris against her coaches. Just another day in a mediocre snowboarding comedy.

Packed silly with clichés and starving for a molecule of comedy, Revenge of the Boarding School Dropouts wastes little time in wrapping itself around a tree. For starters—there is no boarding school, and no one drops out of anything. Maybe the focus research revealed that viewers would be drawn to the words "revenge" and "dropouts" and that the inclusion on "boarding school" in the title would imply a locker room scene or something. No, this is a straight-up snowboarder movie, so I'm thinking Max Shred or Snow Shred to the Max or Awesome Shredding on the Mountain is Maximum Awesome would have been a more appropriate moniker; generic faux-extreme title for a generic faux-extreme movie.

It's not that Revenge is bad, it's that it's utterly forgettable. The characters aren't interesting and they don't have interesting things to say (sample bit of comedic gold: "Maybe if you guys weren't too busy setting the world humping record!"). Their relationships are predictable and their interactions dull; would it come as a surprise to anyone that the female snowboarders who has a crush on the hotshot snowboarder despite his carnal entanglement with the PR rep of a rival agency eventually wins him over thanks to her resilience and strong spirit? Dave Englund is OK as the hard-partying coach, and the rest of his team fills their niches (envious pal, plucky female sidekick, clueless drunks, airhead jock). Tom Green, though, appears near-catatonic bored.

Anything else you need to know? Nudity? Yeah, there are a couple of breast shots. Snowboard action? Easily the highlight of the movie, the shredding action is pretty dope. Jacuzzis? Sure!

Not much to the screener I watched: the 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen isn't nearly as sharp as a sports movie should be and the 2.0 stereo mix is merely functional. No extras.

The Verdict

Guilty.

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