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Case Number 27041: Small Claims Court

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Buck Wild (Blu-ray)

Millennium Entertainment // 2013 // 96 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge Patrick Naugle // March 5th, 2014

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All Rise...

You can't stop Judge Patrick Naugle from flaunting his nakedness.

The Charge

The hilariously horrifying zom-com everyone is dying to see!

The Case

Craig Thompson (Matthew Albrecht, The Artist) has headed out for a hunting trip with two of his friends and one very whacked out cousin. When he finds out that his fiancée and future best man have been having an affair behind his back, Craig is fuming mad…but he has no time to grieve when a deadly zombie outbreak (spread by the dreaded chupacabra monster) hits their neck of the woods! Get ready to either survive or go Buck Wild!

It only took five minutes—five minutes, people!—for me to absolutely loathe Buck Wild. The exact moment was when a character showed up in a pimp outfit, bad facial hair, and brandished an accent straight of the "Terrible Accents 101" handbook. Further into the movie some chunky rednecks spank a mostly naked man inside of a bar, which is on the short list of things I've never wanted to see, right up there between an extended cut of the Deliverance scene with Ned Beatty squealing like a pig and a sequel to Howard the Duck. All of this was supposed to be funny. It wasn't. Not by a long, looooooooong shot.

What's so bad about Buck Wild? Just about everything. From the amateurish acting to the terrible special effects (let's just call them "effects" and leave the word "special" out of it), Buck Wild is like sitting through a root canal without any anesthetic, being performed by a blind orangutan. I can safely say that sentence was funnier than anything in Buck Wild, and to give you an idea how bad this movie is, that sentence wasn't really all that funny to begin with.

Every actor that participates in Buck Wild is just terrible. Horrible. Really, really cruddy. It's as if they had a casting call to find actors who specifically failed any and all acting classes. The cream of the not-so-impressive crop is Joe Stevens as ranch owner Clyde. Stevens had a memorable turn in the Coen brother's remake of True Grit as a fast talking lawyer going up aginst Rooster Cogburn, and here he at least shows a modicum of professionalism that's missing from the rest of the performances. Even so…it's still bad.

The make up/visual effects in Buck Wild are depressing at best. The zombie make up is barely passable (just a lot of blood and pancake base) and a rabid dog that is thought to be the infamous Mexican monster, chupacabra, is clearly a stuffed animal with a really bad set of fake teeth. It appears that most of the film's budget went toward gallons of fake blood, but how interesting is that? I can squirt ketchup on my walls at home and get the same effect, and it won't eat up an hour and a half of my life.

Buck Wild (Blu-ray) is presented in 1.85:1 widescreen in 1080p high definition. Or at least I think that's what it's presented in—the package makes no mention. The transfer is fine; the film was cheaply shot and the transfer mostly reflects that. The soundtrack is presented in Dolby 5.1 Surround and there's nothing that's going to give your home theater much of a workout. Also included on this disc are English and Spanish subtitles. Thankfully, the only special feature is some deleted scenes, which is funny, because this whole movie should have been one big deleted scene.

I realize Buck Wild is a no-budget horror movie, and things are going to be a bit rough around the edges. But c'mon…just because you don't have the money doesn't mean you can't come up with something creative or interesting. Look at Sam Raimi's iconic The Evil Dead or Neil Marshall's spectacular Dog Soliders; both films were made on very limited budgets yet were filled with endless entertainment. Buck Wild is filled with long stretches of boredom punctuated by terrible effects and bad comedy. This is one to avoid like the plague.

The Verdict

Congrats, Buck Wild. You just leaped to the front of my "Worst Movies of 2014" list.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 20

Perp Profile

Studio: Millennium Entertainment
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Non-Anamorphic (1080p)
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
• English (SDH)
• Spanish
Running Time: 96 Minutes
Release Year: 2013
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
• Bad
• Blu-ray
• Comedy
• Horror

Distinguishing Marks

• Deleted Scenes


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