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Case Number 23977: Small Claims Court

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Canyon Ranch: Strong and Sculpted

Acacia // 2011 // 79 Minutes // Not Rated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // June 14th, 2012

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson is strong and sculpted. Or is it weak and abstract?

The Charge

Strength, Yoga, Core, Pain.

The Case

From the fine, well-toned, impossibly lean folks at Canyon Ranch, a set of three workouts designed to "sculpt, lengthen, and transform." And judging by the volume of effort the trainers expel engaging in these workouts—and they're essentially perfect human specimens, mind you—I have little doubt you'll be sufficiently out of breath and engorged with enough lactic acid to drown an antelope.

True confessions: As is the case with these exercise DVDs, I opt not to take a stab at the routines, because 1) I'm a cardio guy, and 2) I have the flexibility of the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz.

Canyon Ranch: Strong and Sculpted's 79 minute presentation is divided into the three separate workouts: Core, Strength, and Yoga. Core and Strength require a free weight. Yoga merely requires the dexterity of a pre-adolescent Chinese gymnast.

Each workout runs a shade south of 20 minutes (Yoga feature two distinct routines), performed against the picturesque backdrop of a desert and a blue sky. The serenity may just take your mind off the excruciating pain you'll be forced to endure. It appears these workouts are geared towards women, but the depth of the exercise would certainly deliver results to the pasty fat man in your family.

Clean, solid DVD: 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, Dolby 2.0 stereo, and bonus segments on healthy cooking, building lean muscle, and healthy joints.

The Verdict

Not Guilty. Oooh, push it.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 85

Perp Profile

Studio: Acacia
Video Formats:
• 1.78:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
• None
Running Time: 79 Minutes
Release Year: 2011
MPAA Rating: Not Rated
• Fitness and Exercise
• Instructional

Distinguishing Marks

• Featurettes


• Acacia Fitness

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