Judge David Johnson doesn't think this is an accurate depiction of prison life for women.
More breasts than your local KFC.
Scary-ass Brigitte Nielsen (Red Sonja) stars in this women-in-prison exploitation film. All the bases are covered—shower scenes, gratuitous nudity, and beautiful women in confined spaces—but does the movie do anything to transcend its trashiness? Um, nope.
Facts of the Case
Little does young Alex Morrison (Kimberley Kates) know, but she is about to become the next member of a Cold War left-over women's prison in the Czech Republic. Arrested, charged, and sentenced by the corrupt local government, Alex is shipped to her new home, which is stocked with abusive guards and lorded over by the deranged warden, Magda Kassar (Nielsen).
What Alex finds behind the bars and beyond the eyes of the world is a den of debauchery and prisoner exploitation. Women are dying left and right, and the higher-ups are profiting from it. Drugs, gambling, prostitution, and worse infest the prison, and the nubile female inmates are thrust into the center of it all.
Meanwhile, on the outside, Alex's sister, Suzanne Morrison (Kari Whitman) is determined to discover the truth behind her sister's unfair incarceration. Helping her is Franklin Goff (Paul Koslo), whose sister was recently carted out of the prison on a slab, and he is determined to bring her killers to justice.
As time ticks down, Alex and Suzanne will attempt to reveal the horrible truth behind the prison and its crazy Amazonian warden—from both sides of the bars.
If you're looking for raucous depravity, tons of nipplage, a ridiculous plot, prison personnel in standard-issue plunging V-neck cleavage-baring tops, and an over-the-top action climax, Chained Heat 2 might be the movie for you. Everyone else should probably stay far away.
This film tries to play it straight, but tiptoes along the line of self-parody throughout. There were many instances when I thought I was watching an early '80s Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker production.
But the filmmakers take their craft seriously, the result being more than a few times when Chained Heat 2 wandered into the realm of the laughably absurd.
Take for instance Brigitte Nielsen's warden character, Magda Kassar. Nielsen's like 12 feet tall anyway, and here she's got on heels and this butch red coiffure (when it's not styled in the faux-messy New Wave punk) and walks around barking orders and leering at the voluptuous inmates. Things get even loonier when the curtain is pulled back and we see what she's really up to, luring hapless girls into her boudoir or forcing them to stand as her personal guards, topless. I suppose it would all be disturbing if it weren't so cheesy.
Her right-hand (wo)man, a rugged blond deputy with a chest the size of Quebec and the chiseled features of a power-lifter, is even more over-the-top, taunting and beating the prisoners and competing with them for Kassar's affections (that would be an ewwww). Again, this is not a spoof.
Outside of the prison walls, events unfold with a bit more realism. Sure, Suzanne and Franklin's investigation is not as exciting as the wackiness that's going on in the lock-up, but it makes more sense—except when they break into the prison to get information from a transsexual informant, but I don't want to ruin that for you.
Eventually both of these storylines come together in one of most ridiculous finales ever. It's a full-scale prison revolt, and these submissive, horny female prisoners suddenly transform into Delta Force. So about that line between parody and seriousness? Crossed with a flying tiger leap: gunfire and rocket launchers and more gunfire and great legs abound for those last ten minutes.
Finally, to confront the elephant in the room: for those of you seeking titillation, I doubt Chained Heat 2 will float your boat. Yes there are shower-loads of nudity, and unlike any women's prison documentary I've ever seen, the incarcerated population here is good-looking and top-heavy, but the T&A is often accompanied by bizarre, sometimes cruel, circumstances.
This film is for fans of a) over-the-top bad moviemaking or b) women-in-prison exploitation. Those are the only two demographics I can think of that would get a moderate kick out of Chained Heat 2.
New Line continues to set the standard for its treatment of obscure DVD releases. Despite the lack of extras (save for some disposable online content), this disc is solid. The 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer looks terrific and is supported by Dolby Digital and DTS 5.1 digital tracks. Even the menu system is noteworthy, fully animated and inventive.
Ogling is to be had here, and maybe a few laughs, but besides that, I don't see much else in Chained Heat 2 to make it worth your eyeball stress. For fans of the genre and Brigitte Nielsen completists.
The accused is sentenced to six months of shower time…er…hard time, no, I mean, uh, softy and silky-smooth time! No, I mean, uh…(is this review over yet?)
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Scales of Justice
Studio: New Line
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