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Case Number 10161: Small Claims Court

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Connors' War

Sony // 2006 // 86 Minutes // Rated R
Reviewed by Judge Joel Pearce (Retired) // October 13th, 2006

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All Rise...

Judge Joel Pearce begs you to read this review. Your time and attention will ensure that there was some purpose to his having watched this execrable motion picture.

The Charge

They'll never see him coming.

The Case

At the time of this writing, I've reviewed 300 films for DVD Verdict. I still don't know how to approach movies like Connors' War. It is a bad action movie like countless others I have seen before. It even has the red and blue cover art that is de rigeur for bad action movies on DVD. Presumably, there must still be an audience for this kind of crap. Still I can't imagine that anyone who would get a kick out of Connor's War would care what I have to say about it, or would ever read movie reviews for that matter.

And so, here I am, sitting in front of a computer, reviewing yet another by-the-numbers, ex-rapper-starring, direct-to-video action flick. Connors' War is a film with no artistic integrity. It is the spawn of a production team who set out to make the cheapest drivel possible. They shot it quickly, tossed in some cheap CGI effects, slapped the finished product on a DVD, and laughed all the way to the bank. It will be picked up in video stores by bored wannabe teenage rappers and plaid jacket-wearing hicks. If anyone clicks on this review, they likely won't make it to the end of this second paragraph. Most will take one look at the numerical rating and move on to bigger and better things. I can hardly blame them.

To fulfill my duties as a reviewer, I should give the two of you still reading a plot synopsis. The movie involves an ex-CIA agent named Connors (Anthony Criss, Love and a Bullet) who was blinded on a mission. He is brought back into service by his former boss and given an injection that lets him not only see, but see in the dark. Everything goes to hell when his old boss turns on him and threatens to blow up the White House because he got fired. Connors spends most of the remainder of the picture driving around with an aging, tough-talking urban optometrist named Amanda (Nia Peeples, Half Past Dead). Then people shoot each other.

If you have ever had the misfortune of watching a movie like Connors' War, you already know what I'm going to say next. It isn't very good. There is hardly any action. When there is action, it's poorly choreographed and silly. Bad actors play characters made up of tired clichés, stumbling through generic dialogue. The plot makes little sense, and contains exactly zero surprises and twists. In fact, if you feel any desire at all to experience Connors' War, I'd recommend reading the plot description on the back of the DVD case. It will only take you 40 seconds, and then you won't have to waste 86 minutes watching the actual film.

The DVD itself is well produced. The video transfer looks fine. The 5.1 Dolby sound transfer is equally fine. Thankfully, Sony hasn't forced me to sit through any special features. It's a disc designed for rent-and-forget.

The action film genre is full of well-produced, slick films. Go watch one of those, and don't even think about wasting your time on this direct-to-video nonsense. I'm annoyed that I've wasted this much time on Connors' War, both the time that it took to watch it and the time it's taken to write this review. My only reward is knowing that a few of you will now be saved from wasting that same time.

Connors' War is guilty—guilty of wasting my time, guilty of its own existence, and guilty of taking up space on video store shelves.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 30

Perp Profile

Studio: Sony
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• English
Running Time: 86 Minutes
Release Year: 2006
MPAA Rating: Rated R
Genres:
• Action
• Bad

Distinguishing Marks

• None

Accomplices

• IMDb








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