Judge Eric Profancik doesn't think that hookers, drug dealers, shoplifters, or women who terrorize Asian families with crowbars should be considered "bad" girls. He must have grown up in a maximum security prison or something.
I haven't felt this dirty in days.
How expected is it of me, the happy reviewer, to talk about the theme song to this show? I hope not too much because I'm done. That's all you're going to get out of me about that oddly popular song. Instead, let's talk about the theme to this disc: "bad girls." After more than 10 years on the air, Cops should have plenty of juicy material to sift through to find the baddest girls out there; at least, that's a logical conclusion on my part.
If you agree with me, then you're mistaken.
This compilation disc, filled with 49 minutes of footage about "bad
girls," in reality contains zero minutes of footage of bad girls. Culled
from a variety of cities, this disc shows you some of the most pathetic women
out there. But they're not bad. Let's see what these girls did to warrant
inclusion on this disc:
Connect the dots, and you'll easily see that this disc doesn't live up to its billing in the least. Instead of being treated to bad girls, we're forced to watch these dismal women as they whimper at officers, curse at their neighbors, try not to get handcuffed, and cry when they sober up and realize the folly of their actions. This disc, to avoid claims of false advertising, really should be called "Sad Girls." That's an honest assessment of whom you'll see featured on this compilation.
I remember back in the day when I used to watch this show. It was borderline cool, or at least mildly interesting at times, and I would tune in and see what trouble the ruffians were brewing that week. But everything gets boring after a while, and so did Cops. I've long abandoned watching it, but now, sometimes out of curiosity, I pause for a second or two when flipping channels. If I have company and want to be mean, I've been known to actually stay on Fox for a couple of minutes. This disc will do nothing to make you want to watch new episodes of Cops, nor will it leave you with the urge to own any of these discs. Instead, you'll just be further resolved to keep your distance. If you do end up watching this disc, the transfers are purely average; neither the audio nor the video has anything to stand out as positive or negative. It really is just like watching the show.
If you think you've sunk to new lows, there's still further to fall thanks to the one bonus feature on the disc. For your viewing pleasure, an additional 17 minutes of footage is included under the caption of "Too Hot for TV." Far from hot, these scenes make you feel like putting on a wifebeater and painting the town red. I felt dirty, ashamed, and barren. This extra material was white-trash heaven from start to finish. It starts off so bad that I was on the edge of turning it off due to its graphic and revolting depiction of biker hags…I mean biker babes. These fat, ugly women are parading around, showing off their naked bodies, thinking they're all that and a bag of chips! But, they are scum personified. Did I really want to see those saggy breasts? Did I really need to see that cottage cheese bum with a thong stuck in the crack? No on both counts! Once you get past this atrocity, you can then watch dumb women swear without being bleeped! This bonus footage should have been left on the cutting room floor. It isn't hot; it's just sad.
All in all, you're best off skipping this disc. (And I'm willing to venture that this holds true for the other Cops compilations in stores as well.) Trust me, if you watch this crap, you'll kill many a brain cell and feel so low and dirty that you'll need a very long shower.
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Scales of Justice
• Too Hot for TV Bonus Footage
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