Judge David Johnson thinks this movie is a piece of crop.
Let the harvest begin.
Full disclosure: the Children of the Corn franchise is not in my wheelhouse. Also, who cares? This movie stinks.
Facts of the Case
Two orphaned brothers end up with a city family, imported from their rural hometown. The older brother, Josh (Ron Melendez), is a normal teenager and he quickly makes friends with some of the raddest dudes in school. Eli (Daniel Cerny), the younger sibling, is messed up though. He's got the supernatural ability to convince other kids to do his bidding, which, apparently, involves killing a bunch of people and ushering in an environmentally-friendly corn utopia. As Josh scrambles to avert a bucolic apocalypse, Eli kills people in ridiculous fashion. It all ends with an epic face-off with a demonic corn monster (or something), which, in reality, is actually an exercise in how not to do special effects.
This second sequel picks up presumably where the first sequel left off as an old guy chases a kid through the corn and eventually gets turned into a scarecrow. Then it's on to the story proper, and even compared to that incoherence in the cornfield, the rest of the film manages to spiral downwards with gusto.
Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest is a bad film. Terrible, actually, besieged by nonsensical plot points, robotic acting and gore effects that will induce derisive laughter before an upset stomach. Yet…it's got that something that makes it enjoyable on that unique plane of existence that allows horrible movies to find new life as inebriated target practice.
The reason for its salvage? The aforementioned special effects. Objectively, they are indeed garbage, a sad mixture of practical gags and clunky stop-motion animation. But, there's a charm to them, even when they've been so obviously designed to freak people out. As such:
My Top Three Favorite Horrible Special Effect Moments…
That crap I just wrote? That's all I could do to make myself interested enough in writing about Children of the Corn III, so take it and be appreciative of my effort.
Echo Bridge's Blu-ray is a bare bones effort. The 1.78:1 transfer (1080i, AVC-encoded) is a few notches above DVD quality, sporting a just-noticeable increase in resolution. And since the DTS 2.0 stereo is a front-loaded, unimpressive track and extras are MIA, there's not much to recommend.
Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest is godforsaken and the Blu-ray is a softball. Fun with doofy special effects is not enough to warrant a purchase.
Guilty. (Note my courageous refusal to use the word "cornhole" in this review.)
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