DVD Verdict
Home About News Blu-ray DVD Reviews Upcoming DVD Releases Contest Podcasts Forums Judges Contact  

Case Number 14707

Buy Cyborg Soldier at Amazon

Cyborg Soldier

First Look Pictures // 2008 // 84 Minutes // Rated R
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // October 10th, 2008

• View Judge Johnson's Dossier
• E-mail Judge Johnson
• Printer Friendly Review


Every purchase you make through these Amazon links supports DVD Verdict's reviewing efforts. Thank you!




 

All Rise...

Judge David Johnson is a cyborg, if by "cyborg" you mean "Caucasian."

The Charge

They engineered the perfect fighter.

Opening Statement

So, what exactly do you expect from a movie called Cyborg Soldier starring Tiffani Thiessen?

Facts of the Case

Former UFC champion Rich Franklin stars as I.S.A.A.C. (if you're interested, that stands for Intuitive Synthetic Autonomous Assault Commando), a genetically engineered badass, complete with a hyper-metabolic rate, near-instant healing factor, staggering array of crushing martial arts moves, and a facial expression that never deviates from "stony."

ISAAC promptly escapes from his top-secret bunker/laboratory and begins a quest of self-discovery. With the sinister head of the experiment (Bruce Greenwood, I, Robot) and his crew of murderous thugs hot on ISAAC's trail, our meathead hero and newfound ally, Deputy Reardon (Tiffani Thiessen, Saved by the Bell), must repel the forces of evil with punches and kicks and discover the truth of his past.

The Evidence

For all the promise of awesome cyborg soldiering, the execution is sadly underwhelming. Rich Franklin certainly seems to have the lethal, hand-to-hand moves at his disposal to fill up 90 minutes of bodacious ear-boxing, but alas, the action moments are few and far between…and when they do hit, sadly unfulfilling.

Cyborg Soldier is a tedious affair, full of the same melodrama we saw in Robocop (emotionless killing machine flashing back to happier days with attractive family, trying to piece together his memories and speaking primarily in one-syllable words) and mortal combat we saw in Walker, Texas Ranger.

Amidst all this hokum are some painful dialogue sequences, highlighted by these gems:

REARDON: It says you're dead.
ISAAC: But I'm not dead.
REARDON: I know that!

REARDON: (while she and ISAAC are dangling from a cord with gun-toting bad guys just forty feet up, peering over the edge to see if they're dead) ISAAC don't let go!

Bruce Greenwood, an actor I like, receives the worst dialogue to chew through. As the main bad guy, he's tasked with disgorging voluminous amounts of exposition, snarling about what he's doing for the country and philosophizing about the value of felons in the horrifying genetic experimentation. As hard as he tries to rationalize his decision-making, it's kind of hard to see him as anything other than a one-dimensional douchebag, as he stands by and lets his goons gun down two deputies. But the real kicker is his final unending Evil Monologue, when he's got ISAAC, Reardon, and the end of all of his worldly troubles at gunpoint, he blathers on and on about how cool a guy he is.

Lastly, I suspect Thiessen was pregnant, since she spent the entire movie in a flannel jacket that looked big enough to cover Fenway Park during a rainstorm.

A no-frills DVD from First Look Studios: 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, 5.1 Dolby Surround, and a batch of previews.

Closing Statement

Cyborg Soldier may be the perfect fighter, but we'll have to take his word for it. This one is slow-moving and derivative through and through.

The Verdict

Guilty. The accused is cyborg-court-martialed.

Give us your feedback!

Did we give Cyborg Soldier a fair trial? yes / no

Share This Review


Follow DVD Verdict


Other Reviews You Might Enjoy

• Mutant X: Season Two
• Ultimate Fights
• Swordfish (Blu-Ray)
• Bounty Hunters 2: Hardball

DVD Reviews Quick Index

• DVD Releases
• Recent DVD Reviews
• Search for a DVD review...

Scales of Justice

Video: 85
Audio: 85
Extras: 0
Acting: 60
Story: 55
Judgment: 58

Perp Profile

Studio: First Look Pictures
Video Formats:
• 1.85:1 Anamorphic
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround (English)
Subtitles:
• English
• Spanish
Running Time: 84 Minutes
Release Year: 2008
MPAA Rating: Rated R
Genres:
• Action
• Science Fiction

Distinguishing Marks

• None

Accomplices

• IMDb








DVD | Blu-ray | Upcoming DVD Releases | About | Staff | Jobs | Contact | Subscribe | Find us on Google+ | Privacy Policy

Review content copyright © 2008 David Johnson; Site design and review layout copyright © 2014 Verdict Partners LLC. All rights reserved.