All Rise...

Judge Franck Tabouring almost didn't survive this disaster.

Editor's Note

Our review of Disaster Movie, published January 12th, 2009, is also available.

The Charge

Not another shallow Hollywood movie.

Opening Statement

If there's one movie chart on which Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer's Disaster Movie has scored a spot in the top five, it's IMDb's Bottom 100 list. That's hardly a surprise, because this latest piece of crappy Hollywood trash is yet another unnecessary disgrace to the world of filmmaking. As far as box-office numbers are concerned, the movie only made $14 million domestically, which is not exactly an achievement but still a whole lot more than it actually deserves.

Facts of the Case

Most spoofs we've seen over the past years are equipped with an utterly lame story line, and this one is certainly no exception. As the end of the world quickly approaches, a group of idiotic people struggle to survive a series of natural disasters, including a bunch of earthquakes, twisters, and meteors. That's all there is to it, and that's all I'm going to say about it.

The Evidence

Believe it or not, but Disaster Movie is the only recent spoof that actually lives up to its title. A painfully disastrous mess, this is just another embarrassing comedy that spends almost 90 minutes making shameless fun of the year's biggest blockbusters and celebrities. Now, I don't have anything against spoofs in general, but making fun of other flicks the correct way takes quite a bit of creativity, and that's exactly what Disaster Movie is missing.

Laughs are obviously nonexistent in this movie, and nearly every scene suffers from either disgusting slapstick humor or primitive dialogue. Whether it's an Amy Winehouse lookalike burping for 30 seconds straight, Dr. Phil trying to get laid, the Hulk losing his pants, a Juno wannabe beating a male Carrie Bradshaw, or Carmen Electra and Kim Kardashian wrestling with barely any clothes on, the list of embarrassingly bad moments is endless, really.

Some of the many films receiving the spoof treatment are Iron Man, Cloverfield, The Incredible Hulk, Beowulf, Juno, Enchanted, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Hancock, and High School Musical, but none of these scenes or jokes are actually funny or entertaining. I'd say they're miserable at best.

I feel utterly sorry for everyone who agreed to participate in this cataclysmic failure. I feel sorry for those who decided to green-light the project in the first place, and I feel sorry for those who wrote, directed and starred in it. My suggestion to them is to stop doing whatever it is they're doing, as I sincerely believe it would be for the best of all of us. You can totally hate me for being so harsh here, but this is exactly the kind of film that helps turning Hollywood into even more a shallow place than it already is.

Okay, that's all I'm gonna say about this. Let's quickly move on to the special features before I completely loose my mind. The Blu-ray edition of Disaster Movie is loaded with extras and applications, but sadly enough, none of them really delivers the goods. Kicking off the bonus section are eight behind-the-scenes featurettes, which include a lame studio tour, a series of rather uninteresting discussions about the main characters, and even two sing-along music clips.

Also included is a picture-in-picture commentary, during which members of the cast and crew can be seen watching and discussing the feature film in a small frame at the bottom right corner of the screen. It's certainly a cool feature, but unfortunately, the commentary itself is yet another disastrous bore. Finally, the disc also include a new application called "MoLog," which lets viewers insert and animate audio, shapes and other stuff right into the film and share these created clips with users online. Kids may have fun playing around with such a feature, but I really don't see any other purpose in it.

The Rebuttal Witnesses

I know it's hard to believe, but I do have something positive to say about this Blu-ray edition of Disaster Movie. Although I've not entirely been satisfied with previous Lionsgate high-def discs, this one definitely hits all the right notes. The 1.77:1 non-anamorphic widescreen presentation looks incredibly sharp, and the quality of the image remains strong and clean throughout. As for the 7.1 DTS HD Master audio transfer, it sounds really impressive on a solid surround sound system. It's a real pity the movie is so disappointing, because as far as the technical aspects are concerned, this one delivers a great result.

Closing Statement

If you want to insult your own intelligence, go ahead and buy this, but I can only recommend you stay away from this stinker as far as possible.

The Verdict

Totally freaking guilty!

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