The Charge

It's Dorf. And he's fishing.

The Case

You know, the really sad thing is, my mother used to rent Dorf videos for us, her children, as we grew into adolescence. And I swear, in all honesty, they were funny at the time—we liked them, we did.

In retrospect, we must have been very, very, very naughty and evil children.

Tim Conway stars as the troubadour Dorf, who, despite his small stature, seems determined to get out there, waddling around and doing things that short people are completely capable of doing (golfing, fishing, et cetera) but that Dorf finds tragically difficult.

Tragic is the word, because boy, it sure isn't funny. On this particular release, Dorf goes fishing. That is what he does, and boy howdy, he sure tries hard, but ultimately fails in a bumbling laugh-track sort of way.

If you have never heard of the Dorf video franchise, consider yourself lucky. The packaging proudly claims that over two million Dorf videos have been sold, which is an amazing figure, but sadly, does not factor in the one million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety eight videos returned to the studio smeared with human feces.

(Yes, I have one. And I think Tim Conway does too.)

The full-frame video quality on the disc is ghastly, but admittedly, probably as good as one is ever going to see a Dorf-related video. The original video masters were awful looking, so you have, essentially, a top-of-the-line video quality image on a DVD. But there's nothing like corny video star wipes and bad sound effects carefully preserved for decades to come on DVD to horrify future generations.

The sound is very, very mono—which is the disc's best feature. I can't imagine having another channel of Dorf-related audio.

As if Dorf Goes Fishing in itself was not enough to drive sales, the feature Tim and Harvey in the Great Outdoors is generously included as a double-feature to pad the disc out. Tim Conway and Harvey Korman renew their partnership made "famous" on The Carol Burnett Show, which at the very least, adds a touch of class to an already classy disc.

Wait, scratch that; I added a "C" and an "L" by mistake.

As the disc's only extra feature (extra, in the sense of diarrhea being an "extra" to having the flu), the bonus feature "Behind the Scenes with Dorf" is included, a "mockumentary" styled smattering of funny bits from the various Dorf-related movies available—in essence, just a bad infomercial for other Dorf videos. The feature is exactly the same quality one would expect from such a spectacular movie offering. Terrible.

From the oldest man to the youngest girl, Dorf is certain to thrill audiences with his wild and crazy antics. And, by "thrill" I mean of course, "urinate directly on."

This is a bad disc, even by the loft standards established by the Dorf video franchise. I hate to even say it, but even within the franchise, this is a poor offering. Dorf on Golf, for example, is better. Slightly. Like having the Hong Kong flu is "better" than say, having the bubonic plague.

To summarize, Tim Conway offers a piece of wisdom; he proudly declares, "There's a little Dorf in all of us."

I completely agree. But now I need surgery.

The court sentences Parvenu, the studio in question, to whatever is bigger than a life sentence.

This judge is off to the bathroom with his Dorf Goes Fishing DVD.

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