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Case Number 03761: Small Claims Court

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Quest For The Egg Salad

Ventura Distribution // 2002 // 60 Minutes // Unrated
Reviewed by Judge David Johnson // December 20th, 2003

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All Rise...

The Charge

"It's like that big-budget movie you already own…but with gross-out comedy."

The Case

I don't know quite how to approach this disc. First and foremost, this is a mid-quality homemade movie, featuring slightly higher-than-par film stock, very limited costumes (look, sneakers and khakis!), and a cast of high-school/college-age pals who probably sat at that lunch table in the far corner of the cafeteria.

The humor is sophomoric (probably because the movie was written by sophomores) and production value reflects the "Low Budget Pictures" production company moniker. Much footage takes place either in a public park, with wandering pedestrians plainly visible in the background, or an actor's mom's basement.

The flick itself is a take-off on the "fantasy genre," as the filmmakers say, but really it's all a goof preying on the popularity of the Lord of the Rings films. A quick rundown of the plot (I actually can't believe I'm using these descriptive words for this disc; it almost lends it a sense of validation as a "real" movie): Bonejack the wizard informs Balfazar about the legendary "egg salad," which has been captured by the Goblin King; Balfazar is then charged to track it down with a band of beatniks, and hilarity ensues.

Well, I'm sure the filmmakers and their friends thought it was hilarious. And here's the key: if you know or are related to anyone affiliated with this production, you indeed may find it very amusing. The rest of Earth's organisms, from protists on up, will no doubt prefer extended periods of bodily harm than watch what the crew at Low Budget Pictures vomited up.

And speaking of vomit, the filmmakers would have you believe this is uproarious raunchy, gross stuff—true, if your idea of gross is a few scenes of random body fluid and endless use of the F-word.

Again, this DVD is for fans and friends of the "cinematic" venture, evidenced by the masturbatory special features: two (?!) commentary tracks (the director and his cronies, and the "fans," all ripping on each other and swearing while guffawing at their own creation) and an inane making-of featurette (we get it, you think this scene is funny, you're awesome, move on).

When I was in high school, my friends and I made boatloads of stupid movies. And to this day, I can watch them and laugh my kidneys out. That, however, doesn't mean others will share in my amusement; in fact, I'm sure they'd be more inclined to punch me repeatedly in the head.

The Egg Salad folks obviously know their audience, and certainly cater to them. But don't forget the wise adage: One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Well, Quest for the Egg Salad may be treasure to a few of you out there, but to all others, things don't get more expendable.

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Scales of Justice

Judgment: 60

Perp Profile

Studio: Ventura Distribution
Video Formats:
• Full Frame
Audio Formats:
• Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo (English)
• None
Running Time: 60 Minutes
Release Year: 2002
MPAA Rating: Unrated
• Comedy
• Independent

Distinguishing Marks

• Two Commentary Tracks
• Featurette
• Bloopers Reel
• Trailers


• None

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