Judge Brett Cullum is a legend in his own pants. Er...I mean, time.
I know an awful lot of people who have a great fear of commitment. I know a
lot of my friends who think they want hearth and home and a picket fence
more than anything else in the world. And when they get right down to it, all
they really want is fresh meat.
It's a love story…with a lot of porn.
This is a documentary about the making of an epic movie about two handsome cowboys who fall in love. I know right now winsome images of Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal swooning in each other's arms on Brokeback Mountain are running through your head. Um…this is a far cry from that. This would be closer to all those "Bareback Mounting" jokes we've been hearing lately. eXposed: The Making of a Legend documents the behind-the-scenes romps and misadventures involved in making a four-hour gay porn marathon called Buckleroos. Yes, dear reader, DVD Verdict is descending once more into the blue room of adult movies, so fasten those seat belts for a bumpy night.
First, a little diversion and meditation on the patron saint of all gay porn, the Material Girl—who has all hung up on her erotica. I remember when I saw Truth or Dare, I was mortified by what I discovered. I always thought Madonna had a sense of humor; that she knew ultimately she was a silly, sexy pop star who liked to do naughty little numbers to amuse her fans with sassy tongue planted firmly in her rouged cheek. Yet in the documentary about her Blonde Ambition tour, we see a groan-worthy scene where Madonna actually reads a letter she prepared after the Vatican criticized her show. She honestly—with a straight face—called her concert an "artistic journey," Right then, I knew she was crazy as a loon on a couple of hits of ecstasy. She was buying her own bullshit, and believed she was somehow creating a great work of art out of conical bras and simulated masturbation while moaning, bumping, and grinding through "Like a Virgin." I bring up Madonna for two reasons: First, I am always surprised when people who make porn think it's art; and second, if you're going to tackle a gay title, invoking Madonna can only help (thank you search engine madness).
Most porn shoots last a day or two. They are brief one night stands in film terms. Skin titles are made on the fly with little in the way of production values, and cheap, paltry budgets. Often companies spend more money and time on photo shoots for the fetching box covers, because that moves product better than a good film about freaking. This is not so with Buckleroos, a megaproduction of King Kong proportions in the world of wanker worship. It was a staggering three week shoot, on location, using a real ranch with full authentic cowboy costumes, a cast of over 25 rather endowed men, and an actual script (sort of). Co-directors Jerry Douglas and John Rutherford were out to make a masterpiece about masterful pieces, and a lot of hard work went in to the production (pun fully intended). Apparently the unwholesome, yet strangely savory, efforts paid off. Buckleroos walked off with 11 GayVN awards (the Oscars of the homosexual adult video world, presented at Rage by ChiChi LaRue), including accolades for best picture, best actor, best non-sexual actor, best cinematography, best sex scene, and best three-way.
eXposed: The Making of a Legend was shot and produced by a woman(!) named Mr. Pam(!!) who had full access to the shooting process, from day one until it took home all those statues. She follows the naked actors and clothed crew around while giggling and asking them questions like "How did you get in to porn?" and "What were you like in high school?" She's there when they do still photography, wardrobe tests, painful acting scenes, and, of course, when they are in the act for the camera. It's priceless material of people having sex, trying to get excited for sex, and taking themselves far too seriously when they were hired to have sex. You will squirm as she interviews two actors who look 15 playing Mormon missionaries who get in a tangled pile; giggle in shame as an ex-Pentecostal minister talks about how porn is important as education; and laugh out loud as Jerry Douglas and John Rutherford jump up and down excitedly because they get a simultaneous orgasm on film.
What is shocking is how much fun this film is to watch. I've always found pornography silly. eXposed: The Making of a Legend drives that point home and makes a mess all over it. These are not sad tales of how people are victimized by the adult film industry. It's not a revealing exposé about shocking drug habits, or a chronicle of concerns about sexually transmitted diseases. It's a bunch of naked guys stroking their members and talking about silly films that have become a multi-billion dollar industry. Boogie Nights doesn't come close to this one. You'll have to see it for yourself to believe how much hard work these guys do, and how much of a goofy family they become during the process. It's a celebration of penetration, and unapologetic about it. It's nice to see these guys relaxed and out to make an honest living doing what comes naturally when you're naked.
The DVD is full frame, clear, and has the look of most documentaries. The sound is stereo. Extras are limited to a softcore photo gallery from the set, and trailers from other TLA titles. The good news is it's priced under twenty dollars, a serious bargain when you find out Buckleroos retails for around one hundred and thirty for the DVD set. So if you want to catch Dean Phoenix naked, Zak Spears suntanning in the buff, or Marcus Iron flogging the bishop, it's a bargain. A lot of banging for your buck with this one.
In the end eXposed: The Making of a Legend will be a treasure trove of cinematic scenes for fans of gay porn. If you ever wanted to see what goes in to making a Colt Studios skin flick, here's your golden shower of opportunity. So grab your remote, a bottle of your favorite lube, a nice fluffy towel, and get ready for a lot of dialogue and just a little sex. The good news is these guys talk better when they aren't reciting a script with wooden delivery. Who knew a film with so much deep thought from porn stars could be so much fun? Just don't expect to take them any more seriously than when you came in.
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